Jacqui Thomas » Mindset for Success

Paralysis by Analysis

Jacqui — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 01:29:36 +0000

Feeling stuck and frustrated? These two feelings often go together and are often inextricably linked. Generally you feel frustrated because you are stuck, and there is a simple explanation for being stuck – it is because you’re not moving! It’s easy to blame other people, our environment, and circumstance but actually, the source is usually us. The good news is that means we can do something about it.

Feeling stuck, being stuck in a rut, groundhog day, going through the motions…. they’re all euphemisms for the same phenomena, and often stem from needing to do something different and making a change, but not doing it. It could also be thought of as resisting the flow of life.

Change can be scary, even when we want to change, and/or know we need to change… even when we realise the benefits of change will leave us in a much better space. Because of fear we try and prepare ourselves well in order to ensure the change is successful. Such preparation is useful to a point, but it is easy to overdo it and end up stuck in the no-man’s land known as ‘paralysis by analysis’. Spending too much time preparing for every possible outcome and trying to get all your ducks in a row, is actually a pointless exercise – the ducks always move.

And so it is with life. Everything is dynamic, constantly moving. Like a game of chess, every move has the potential to completely change the game. To plan all your moves at the beginning of the game would make it necessary to play entirely by yourself and control all the conditions. Not only would this be boring and lonely, but you may miss out on better opportunities that are only made possible by another player’s moves.

So all you need to know is the first move. Then you assess the best move to make next once it is your turn to move again. The possible moves change all the time and can’t necessarily be planned in advance. If you don’t know what the first move should be, or feel like you can’t make a good move, then just make any move. This is kind of like a reshuffle. Sometimes there are no great moves to be made, as in any game. But by at least making a move, even if it is sideways, then you keep the game moving and change the dynamics which may open up a better move for the next turn.

So if you’re stuck, move! Any move is better than staying stuck. Take a leap of faith and do something. Movement builds momentum. The first step is often the hardest and requires the most energy. Once you are moving it is easier to keep going.

Stuck in Procrastination

Jacqui — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 04:06:30 +0000

Procrastination is defined as “deferring action”. It’s easy to rationalise why we put things off that we don’t want to do – maybe we’re scared of the consequences, maybe we don’t know ‘how’ to go about it, maybe we simply ‘don’t want to’. Sometimes there are even unintended benefits to this procrastination – all sorts of things get done, that wouldn’t otherwise be contemplated – drawers get cleaned out, letters get written, chocolate cakes get baked…. and eventually when the pressure of a looming deadline gets intense enough, and/or the threat of consequences if you don’t do it, get bad enough, the procrastination evaporates and you simply have to take the action required.

But why do we put off doing the things that we DO want to do?

Generally, this type of procrastination is linked to our attachment to a desired outcome. The fear of getting something wrong, or not achieving our desired outcome, can stop us from taking any action at all. As long as we do nothing, our desired outcome is still a maybe, it’s possible. The fear of that ‘maybe’ becoming a ‘no’, prevents us from taking the action that could turn the ‘maybe’ into a ‘yes’.

We place too much value on how we think things need to pan out, in order to get ‘where’ we want to go, or ‘what’ we want. We micro manage our actions to the point where we stall, we get stuck, we’re too scared to move, in case we make a mistake.

The trick is to trust in the process. Trust that any action is a step in the right direction – even if it doesn’t seem so at the time. Trust that you are heading to your desired outcome, even if it seems like you’re given a U-turn, a detour, or even a dead end.

Getting somewhere requires movement. And each movement changes the state of play. You literally need to move one step at a time, and each step will be subject to factors and variables that you may be aware of, but that are outside your control. Pre-planning all the steps to your desired outcome is a waste of time and energy as the best steps may not even be apparent yet.

If you’re clear on your desired outcome / your end result, don’t put off taking a step towards it. Any movement is positive, even if it doesn’t seem so at the time – it may just be shaking things up to make the next step possible.

Your Heart is a Powerhouse

Jacqui — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 03:50:15 +0000

When you live your life from your heart, you tap into a huge source of energy – energy that replenishes you, recharges you, and makes the work required to action tasks seem effortless. In contrast, when you are living your life from your head, there is nothing to replenish you, and your energy is quickly drained, leaving you mentally fatigued, exhausted and often with a nasty headache!

This is the difference between feeling and thinking. If you over think something, you can literally feel your brain whirring around in over drive. Conversely, if you go with what you “feel” is right, decisions and a course of action come comparatively easily. Put simply, brain power is limited, heart power is limitless.

Of course the head (mind and brain) has an important role to play. It is useful for putting structures and plans in place to make things happen effectively. The trick is to use it for its intended roles without letting it completely take over the show!

This is why you are much more likely to achieve goals you actually want to achieve, to be successful in a business you actually enjoy, to have a long lasting relationship with someone you really love. This is why you hear stories of people beating incredible odds to achieve their dreams, of mothers lifting cars to save their children, people with no legs climbing Mt Everest. The thing is you can pretty much have anything you really want. Not because it just happens with the wave of a magic wand, but because if you really want it, your heart will unleash an amazing force of energy to help you do whatever needs to be done in order to make it happen.

So what you do really want for yourself? What would you love to do this year? Who would you love to be? If you are truly honest with yourself and your heart is fully, 100% involved, then anything is possible.

4 Quick Questions for the Best Decision Every Time

Jacqui — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 01:37:45 +0000

Are you having trouble making an important decision? Maybe you’ve tried weighing up the pros and cons, but still can’t decide?

Here’s a strategy that I find very helpful for tough choices. It’s a simple process involving four questions. They are known as the Cartesian Questions and were developed by a famous metaphysician called Rene Descartes. You’ll need some paper to keep track of your answers.

The questions are:

* What will happen if you do?

* What will happen if you don’t?

* What won’t happen if you do?

* What won’t happen if you don’t?

If you like you can divide your piece of paper into 4 quadrants:

* WILL / DO

* WILL / DON’T

* WON’T / DO

* WON’T / DON’T

You’ll find this really gets you thinking about the pros and cons at a deeper level, helping you make the best decision for you. When you see the answers you’ve jotted down for each question, the decision becomes very clear.

Take Action!

Jacqui — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:36:09 +0000

As the Nike ads say, “Just do it!”

Knowing what you want and where you are heading is half the battle won, but in order to actually get there, you have to take some action! You must take the first step and get started, not only to move closer towards your goal, but also to really commit to your intentions and to let the world know that you are serious about this. The first step can be the hardest but once you’ve done it, it’s easier to keep moving.

If you are having trouble taking the first step, ask yourself why? Is the first step too daunting? If so, break it down into smaller, more manageable steps. Keep breaking it down until the first step is easily doable so you can get started and then build on the momentum you have created from there.

A common stumbling block is fear – fear of failure, fear of the unknown, even fear of success. A certain amount of fear is perfectly normal – accept that this is a natural response and do it anyway.

Another obstacle can be that you don’t have all the steps worked out yet. Ie, you don’t have all the “how” figured out. You may not know how you are possibly going to achieve your outcome, or you may have most of it figured out with a few fuzzy areas that aren’t clear. Don’t let this stop you! As long as you know where you want to go (can see your intended outcome clearly) and can identify the first step required, then you have enough information to get started. Trust that the next steps will become clear along the way. Think of it as a journey- there will be signposts along the way and if you get stuck you can always stop and ask for directions!

A great analogy of this is driving a car. When we drive at night we can only see as far as our headlights shine, maybe 100 metres max. We trust that by the time we have reached the end of that 100 metres, we will be able to see the following 100 metres, and so on. If we need to drive from Auckland to Invercargill, we don’t need to know every single road, stop sign, intersection, along the way. We know how to leave Auckland. We know that we need to be on State Highway One and which direction we need to go. We trust that there will be signposts along the way to help us get to our final destination. We also have resources we can use for help such as maps, and we can ask other people for assistance if we get stuck.

If you are clear on “What” you are trying to achieve and “Why”, then the “How” will take care of itself. You just have to make a start.

If you still haven’t moved, you need to ask yourself “is this something I really want for myself?” If you can’t wholeheartedly say yes, then go back and choose something that is honest and real for you.

It’s not rocket science but as Albert Einstein once said, “Nothing happens until something moves.”

Written by Jacqui Thomas

You Can’t Stockpile Opportunities

Jacqui — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:19:45 +0000

Ideas and opportunities can come any time, any place. Often they just start as a thought that pops into your head. They can arrive completely randomly, or be triggered by something you see, or hear. I like to think ideas come from a greater source, something we can’t fully understand, but that is more powerful than just little old us. As such, an idea is a gift and it should make you do something, take some kind of action – but how often do we get great ideas and not do anything with them?

Usually it’s that same old obstacle holding us back – FEAR. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of what people might think…. and the list goes on.

When you are open to the flow – of energy, and of life itself – ideas and opportunities can come anytime and frequently. The thing with flow, though, is it needs to keep flowing! Ie, it needs to keep moving. If you start stockpiling your opportunities, you block the flow. You create a traffic jam in your mind and new ideas can’t get through until the first one is out of the way.

I realise it’s not always practical to act on ideas immediately. Sometimes you have to pop an idea to one side – maybe it needs more time, more thought, more information, or more resources before you can act on it. You can still keep your ideas and opportunities flowing by moving this one out of the way. A coach I once worked with, had what he called an Idea Incubator. He looked at my To Do list and wondered why things would still remain on the list week after week – I simply couldn’t action them yet, even though I still wanted to.

He said, “Jacqui, you need to take these things off your To Do list and put them in your Incubator – they are wasting valuable time and energy and clogging up your flow. When you are ready to actually do something with them, move them back on to your action list then.”

Your incubator could be a box, a folder, a book or just a scrap of paper in a safe place. Anywhere where you know you can keep your ideas safe without having to actively remember them.

Another important thing about ideas and opportunities is that there are plenty of them. You don’t have to take them all. Opportunities are like buses – one gone is one gone forever, but don’t worry, there will be another one along soon. There’s no point wasting your time longing for the one you’ve missed, just get yourself ready to take the next one!

To make the most of your ideas and opportunities you need to be proactive. You have a choice to make and the sooner you do it, the better. Here’s a simple Opportunity Filing System with three options:

Act on it
Decide not to act on it – ie, Bin it!
Move it to the Incubator so it’s in a safe place for the future.

There’s no right or wrong choice, just choose. If you’re not happy with your choice, choose again. But DON”T let your ideas take up valuable space in the forefront of your mind while you do nothing – this will block your flow and stop new opportunities getting through!

Written by Jacqui Thomas

Under Promise and Over Deliver

Jacqui — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 07:14:58 +0000

Are you one of those people that says yes to everything, tries to please everyone and runs around like a headless chicken trying to be in six places at once? Chances are you are also late for everything and annoy more people than you manage to please, no matter how hard you try to keep everyone happy. Maybe it’s time to try a new approach. Warning- it may go completely against your natural instincts at first, but you, and everyone else, will soon see the benefits.

Many people say yes to things when they really mean no, simply because they don’t want to let the other person down. Hello! The very same person gets a much bigger let down in the long run when you can’t deliver what you said you would. Most people would much prefer to have a no upfront, so they can make alternative arrangements, than be let down at the last minute. Not only that, imagine how much easier your life would be if you weren’t racing around trying to keep everyone else happy and stressing out about letting people down?

Right now, decide to stop making promises you can’t keep, even better stop making promises at all. Stop agreeing to things you can’t do, won’t do, don’t want to do, or aren’t even realistically capable of doing. Your new mantra is “under promise and over deliver”.

Once you stop saying yes to everything and trying to be in multiple places simultaneously, you can practice being 100% present in wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Become more in control of your choices, and then focus on and enjoy the choices you have made. If you choose to be working on a project, then that is what you are doing. If you’re reading your kids a bedtime story, you are not cooking dinner. And if you choose to be having a coffee with a friend, be just as 100% focussed on that task. If you’ve made the choice it is because it is important to you and should only be over-ridden by something that is even more important to you (and then only if it’s urgent).

We are aiming for quality here, not quantity. Many of you will be arguing that this way you will only be getting one task done rather than five. My point is that you will be getting one task completed well (and with no stress) as opposed to five tasks incomplete and not done well with potentially a huge headache and follow-on problems as well!

As you practice this technique, you will find that you actually get a lot more done and please a lot more people. Also, things that aren’t that important to you start to drop away, leaving even more precious time for the things that are. Eventually, it even becomes easier and easier to deliver even more than people expect of you, and this is done with a lot less effort because you are doing it because you want to and are able to, rather than because you are committed and pressured to.

By Jacqui Thomas

The Winter Olympics – a Great Example of Courage, Focus, Guts, Determination & Tenacity

Jacqui — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 20:33:34 +0000

My six year old daughter and I enjoyed some chill out time on Sunday afternoon, watching the Winter Olympics on TV. She asked me why I had tears in my eyes. It was simply because I find it so special and awe-inspiring to share in the experience of such dedicated athletes living their dream. The focus, the determination, the sheer hard work that goes into preparing for such an event is so intense, that the energy coming out of the television screen is almost palpable. And then it all comes down to one race.

The event we were watching was the Final of the Women’s Moguls. A tough event, but very cool to watch. As we approach the final, the Canadian woman is assured of a medal as long as she doesn’t make any major mistakes. Her home crowd roared their support and then, halfway through the course, the unthinkable happened, she lost control and took a major tumble! Skis are flying off in all directions, she’s obviously in pain, plus she has the knowledge that all those years of hard work, and her hopes of a medal, have now come crashing down. The medal was so close, and now she is out of contention.

But, to her credit, she picks herself up and finds her skis. She takes a moment, and focuses on the finish line. She takes a deep breath and she carries on, completing the jumps and the rest of the gruelling course. There were more tears and a standing ovation in our house! What a fantastic illustration of courage, guts, focus, determination and tenacity.

We may not be Olympic skiers but we can all learn from this. How often do we stop at the first obstacle? How often do we quit before we reach the finish line? They say that if you shoot for the moon, even if you fail you may still land on a star. She didn’t get the medal, but she is still a star in my book!

Written by Jacqui Thomas

Trust Your Gut!

Jacqui — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 07:25:54 +0000

Often the most important decisions we make in our lives can be the toughest to make. There is no end of outside influence that can affect our decisions: friends, family, colleagues, professional experts, the media, the Internet… and the list goes on. A good decision though, is the one that is right for us, personally. To help us make our own right decisions, we each have three different internal decision making tools we can consult: our head, our heart, and our gut. The best decisions are made when all three are in line, wanting the same thing.

Most of us are fully aware of our head when it comes to making decisions, this is our brain rationally weighing up the pros and cons. Some of us even listen to our hearts, this is what we feel is the best decision, or the decision that we want for ourselves. But how many of us use our gut to make decisions? This is our intuition, that sense of “knowing” what is right or best.

Using all three, guarantees us the best decisions. Ideally, all three will point to the same answer. If not, pay careful attention to your gut – usually this is the one that gets it right! If this seems a bit “out there” for you, see the quote below from famous scientist, Albert Einstein.

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful
servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has
forgotten the gift.” Albert Einstein

Article by Jacqui Thomas

What Drives You? – Pleasure Versus Pain

Jacqui — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 07:06:19 +0000

Every single thing that we do is driven psychologically by a basic desire to either gain pleasure, or avoid pain. This is very useful to know if you’re trying to change aspects of your life, because if you can change your thinking, then your doing will naturally change as well.

The quick facts:
* The motivation to avoid pain is usually stronger than the motivation to gain pleasure.
* Most people focus on avoiding pain and gaining pleasure in the short term, but to be successful you need to focus on avoiding pain and gaining pleasure long term.
* Everybody’s perception of what causes pain and pleasure is different and linked to their own experiences.

To make changes in our lives we need to change how we think and how we act. One simple way to do this is to change what you link your pain and pleasure to. For greater success you also need to shift your focus from short term pain and pleasure, to long term pain and pleasure.

Here’s an example:

If you’re overweight you may be focussing on the short term pleasure that you link to eating too much, or eating unhealthy foods. Or, you might be avoiding pain that you link with exercising. Or, maybe you’re avoiding the pain of dealing with a problem and instead seeking pleasure and comfort from food.

* You can motivate yourself to make the changes you need to by creating new long term links to pain and pleasure for yourself.
* You might choose to avoid the pain associated with long term health problems, or of looking fat and not being able to wear nice clothes.
* Also add in some long term pleasure associations, such as looking and feeling fantastic, and being able to play with your children.
* The key thing to remember is that the new links and associations must be personal and real for you.
* And, they need to be strong enough to over-ride your existing pleasure and pain associations of eating the cake and avoiding the gym!

Another common example is staying in a relationship that is no longer positive or satisfying. In the short term, you may gain pleasure from having a date to go out with and avoid the pain of being lonely. But is it costing you the long term pleasure of having a fulfilling relationship, and the long term pain of realising you’ve wasted many years staying in an empty relationship?

By Jacqui Thomas