Jacqui Thomas » More Money

Mind Over Money

Jacqui — Mon, 10 May 2010 10:53:05 +0000

When I ask my clients what they want more of in their lives, money is often on the list.

Here’s a few ideas to help you have more of it.

The first step is to get an accurate picture of your financial situation as it is now. Know exactly what income you have, how much you spend and on what. If you are like most people and have no idea where it all goes, keep a diary for at least a week, or ideally a month and keep track of what gets spent where. You may be surprised!

Now, obviously if you want more money you will need to either make more or spend less. Spending less may not sound like much fun but it’s all about your mindset. If you think of it as changing your spending so you can have even more money, or spend it on things that you really want rather than things you don’t even notice, it has more appeal.

Look at your spending diary and see what things you could happily do without or cut down on. How much are you spending on coffees, cigarettes, alcohol, car parking, bank fees, credit card interest? Going without that second latte, saves you about $20 per week, giving up smoking could save you $70 per week, taking a bottle of wine around to a friends place instead of having drinks in town could save you $100! The secret is to keep it fun. You don’t want to become so frugal that you don’t have any enjoyment left, simply make good choices, and watch the extra dollars you save stack up.

Next, look at reducing your debt. Credit cards, store cards and hire purchases, can seem like a wonderful idea at the time but if you can’t afford to pay them off, you spend huge amounts on fees and interest. Get out your credit card statements and see how much you have been paying the bank for the privilege of using their money. See how it all adds up. Isn’t there something you would rather have used that money for? Use the money you’re saving from cutting down on your spending to pay the debt off for once and for all and then get rid of your card or at least try and save it for emergencies.

Also, shop around to make sure you’re getting the best deal on bank fees and charges. Know what your fees entitle you too and what gets charged as an extra. Make the effort to use ATM’s less if you get charged per transaction, and use your own bank’s ATM machine, rather than other banks. The same goes for service charges such as phone, mobile and internet usage.

Some Ideas to Save Money and Still Have a Life:

• Take your lunch to work

• Stop or reduce the amount of coffee you buy

• Pay off your debts so you don’t pay interest

• Shop around for the best bank deal and reduce your bank charges

• Take public transport or walk instead of paying for petrol and car parking

• Have friends around for dinner, BBQ’s, DVD’s, instead of going out to restaurants, bars and movies

• Quit smoking

• Only buy as much fresh food as you know you will eat

• Start growing your own vegetables, and trade the extra supplies with friends

• Make sure you have the best mobile phone, internet and toll call plans for your usage.

• Cancel subscriptions for newspapers, magazines and Pay TV and make the most of free information

• Enjoy the outdoors for some free entertainment – go to the beach, go for a walk, go fishing, take a book to the park.

• Swap babysitting services with other parents.

• Join the local library

Allow Yourself to Receive

Jacqui — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 04:13:43 +0000

Being fiercely independent is limited and selfish. A controversial statement perhaps, but as Helen Keller famously said, “Alone we can achieve so little, but together we can achieve so much.” Even Einstein, known more for his mathematical genius than his philosophies on life, deduced that “when two people put their heads together, it is like a third person has entered the room”.

A certain amount of independence is a good thing. It’s useful to be capable of looking after yourself and to be responsible for your actions. But being completely self-sufficient is counter-productive. Being totally self reliant cuts you off from community which is essential for us to “thrive”, rather than merely “survive”.

As humans we have needs beyond basic food and shelter. We have an emotional need for community – to share, to love, to feel, to contribute. Being part of a community is a two way street – you need to be able to “give” and to “receive”. In order for the process to work effectively, receiving is equally important as giving. One can’t happen without the other. So it’s important to take your turn at both.

Sometimes we feel like we have to do it all, that there is no help available. There is always help available, but you have to be willing to allow it. Maybe you need to create some space to let the help in? Allow yourself to receive. Stop doing it all, so there is room for others to help you. Ask for help and accept it graciously when it comes. Let go of needing to control everything yourself, so other people can help you. And remember that receiving help is just as valid as giving it. Both sides of the equation are crucial to the process – so we all need to do our fair share of both!

An Attitude of Gratitude

Jacqui — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 03:22:58 +0000

How often do you actually stop and appreciate everything you have and everything that is good about your life? I’m sure we can all recall times when we’ve been told to “count our blessings” but when was the last time you actually did? Feeling and being grateful is a powerful exercise, which not only can make you feel a lot better about your circumstances, but also seems to welcome more good things into your life.

Most of us here in New Zealand truly do have a lot to be grateful for. We live in a beautiful country, we have the luxury of freedom, and we are relatively safe and trouble free. The vast majority of us have a roof over our heads, food in our tummies, the opportunity of good education and safe drinking water straight out of the tap. If we can add to the list good health and people who love us, then most of us really are quite lucky and do indeed have a lot to be grateful for.

Next time you’re feeling a bit down and life seems unfair, a great boost is to write yourself an exhaustive list of all the things you are grateful for. Don’t forget to include things that you probably take for granted but would miss terribly if they were taken away, these are usually the important ones! Don’t stop until you absolutely can’t think of anything else to add. I guarantee you’ll feel instantly better about your situation. It’s highly likely that once you have your “grateful list”, whatever it is you’re upset about not having will seem quite trivial in comparison with everything you do have. It’s quite true, no matter how bad things seem, there will always be someone much worse off than you, and I bet they would love to trade places and have all that you have.

You don’t have to wait until you’re feeling sorry for yourself to start getting into the habit of being grateful. A daily grateful journal is a lovely way to finish each day. Simply write down 5 things that you are grateful for before you go to bed each night. This gets you into the habit of focussing on what’s good in your life, rather than what’s wrong or missing. When you do this consistently not only do you feel much better about yourself, you also start a positive spiral upwards, attracting more good things your way. It seems we don’t get given any more until we appreciate what we’ve already got!

By Jacqui Thomas

Take Action!

Jacqui — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:36:09 +0000

As the Nike ads say, “Just do it!”

Knowing what you want and where you are heading is half the battle won, but in order to actually get there, you have to take some action! You must take the first step and get started, not only to move closer towards your goal, but also to really commit to your intentions and to let the world know that you are serious about this. The first step can be the hardest but once you’ve done it, it’s easier to keep moving.

If you are having trouble taking the first step, ask yourself why? Is the first step too daunting? If so, break it down into smaller, more manageable steps. Keep breaking it down until the first step is easily doable so you can get started and then build on the momentum you have created from there.

A common stumbling block is fear – fear of failure, fear of the unknown, even fear of success. A certain amount of fear is perfectly normal – accept that this is a natural response and do it anyway.

Another obstacle can be that you don’t have all the steps worked out yet. Ie, you don’t have all the “how” figured out. You may not know how you are possibly going to achieve your outcome, or you may have most of it figured out with a few fuzzy areas that aren’t clear. Don’t let this stop you! As long as you know where you want to go (can see your intended outcome clearly) and can identify the first step required, then you have enough information to get started. Trust that the next steps will become clear along the way. Think of it as a journey- there will be signposts along the way and if you get stuck you can always stop and ask for directions!

A great analogy of this is driving a car. When we drive at night we can only see as far as our headlights shine, maybe 100 metres max. We trust that by the time we have reached the end of that 100 metres, we will be able to see the following 100 metres, and so on. If we need to drive from Auckland to Invercargill, we don’t need to know every single road, stop sign, intersection, along the way. We know how to leave Auckland. We know that we need to be on State Highway One and which direction we need to go. We trust that there will be signposts along the way to help us get to our final destination. We also have resources we can use for help such as maps, and we can ask other people for assistance if we get stuck.

If you are clear on “What” you are trying to achieve and “Why”, then the “How” will take care of itself. You just have to make a start.

If you still haven’t moved, you need to ask yourself “is this something I really want for myself?” If you can’t wholeheartedly say yes, then go back and choose something that is honest and real for you.

It’s not rocket science but as Albert Einstein once said, “Nothing happens until something moves.”

Written by Jacqui Thomas

If You Don’t Ask, You Don’t Get

Jacqui — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 20:44:50 +0000

In my opinion, asking is the most under-utilised tool for getting what you want. Kids do it well, but as adults we seem to have lost this tool from our repertoire.

Why?

* Because we’re scared someone will say No

* Because we’re scared someone will say Yes

* We don’t want people to think less of us for asking (ie, that we are weak, needy, incapable, dependent, bludging….)

* We don’t want the other person to feel bad for saying No

* Because we think other people should know what we want, without us having to ask

How ridiculous!

Life would be much simpler if people could communicate freely and clearly and ask for what they want and need.

Some solutions…

* If someone says No, it doesn’t matter. It’s not the end of the world, it’s not personal – they simply can’t help and you need to either ask a different question, or ask someone else. (Children do this well. In fact, the other option they employ is to keep asking the same question, until the answer changes, however I don’t recommend this!) Even if the person you’ve asked can’t help with your request, they will often offer alternatives or suggest someone who may be able to help, so you’ve still gained from asking the question. And, often they will feel flattered by the request, even if they can’t oblige, so everyone wins.

* If someone says Yes – Great! Remember they are adults, it was their choice to say Yes. Accept it with grace and gratitude. There is no need to feel bad about it.

* We are humans not robots. It is impossible to be completely self-sufficient, we all need other people for all manner of reasons. People don’t think less of you for making a request, whether it be for help, a date, or whatever. Usually they are flattered, it makes them feel good to be asked, whatever their chosen response might be. And in turn, it enables them to feel better about asking for whatever they need.

* If they have a problem communicating their honest response, then that is their responsibility to work through, not yours. If it makes you feel better, you can let them know at the outset of your request that the choice is theirs – you just need a yes or a no.

This is a biggie in relationships, with partners, families and friends. The truth is we all see the world from our own perspective. You can’t assume that someone else sees what you see, and therefore can second-guess your needs and desires. Save everyone a lot of grief by being upfront about what you need and want. You won’t always get it but at least both parties know what the request is, and from there can make, and deal with, a clear response.

Written by Jacqui Thomas

Trust Your Gut!

Jacqui — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 07:25:54 +0000

Often the most important decisions we make in our lives can be the toughest to make. There is no end of outside influence that can affect our decisions: friends, family, colleagues, professional experts, the media, the Internet… and the list goes on. A good decision though, is the one that is right for us, personally. To help us make our own right decisions, we each have three different internal decision making tools we can consult: our head, our heart, and our gut. The best decisions are made when all three are in line, wanting the same thing.

Most of us are fully aware of our head when it comes to making decisions, this is our brain rationally weighing up the pros and cons. Some of us even listen to our hearts, this is what we feel is the best decision, or the decision that we want for ourselves. But how many of us use our gut to make decisions? This is our intuition, that sense of “knowing” what is right or best.

Using all three, guarantees us the best decisions. Ideally, all three will point to the same answer. If not, pay careful attention to your gut – usually this is the one that gets it right! If this seems a bit “out there” for you, see the quote below from famous scientist, Albert Einstein.

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful
servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has
forgotten the gift.” Albert Einstein

Article by Jacqui Thomas

What Drives You? – Pleasure Versus Pain

Jacqui — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 07:06:19 +0000

Every single thing that we do is driven psychologically by a basic desire to either gain pleasure, or avoid pain. This is very useful to know if you’re trying to change aspects of your life, because if you can change your thinking, then your doing will naturally change as well.

The quick facts:
* The motivation to avoid pain is usually stronger than the motivation to gain pleasure.
* Most people focus on avoiding pain and gaining pleasure in the short term, but to be successful you need to focus on avoiding pain and gaining pleasure long term.
* Everybody’s perception of what causes pain and pleasure is different and linked to their own experiences.

To make changes in our lives we need to change how we think and how we act. One simple way to do this is to change what you link your pain and pleasure to. For greater success you also need to shift your focus from short term pain and pleasure, to long term pain and pleasure.

Here’s an example:

If you’re overweight you may be focussing on the short term pleasure that you link to eating too much, or eating unhealthy foods. Or, you might be avoiding pain that you link with exercising. Or, maybe you’re avoiding the pain of dealing with a problem and instead seeking pleasure and comfort from food.

* You can motivate yourself to make the changes you need to by creating new long term links to pain and pleasure for yourself.
* You might choose to avoid the pain associated with long term health problems, or of looking fat and not being able to wear nice clothes.
* Also add in some long term pleasure associations, such as looking and feeling fantastic, and being able to play with your children.
* The key thing to remember is that the new links and associations must be personal and real for you.
* And, they need to be strong enough to over-ride your existing pleasure and pain associations of eating the cake and avoiding the gym!

Another common example is staying in a relationship that is no longer positive or satisfying. In the short term, you may gain pleasure from having a date to go out with and avoid the pain of being lonely. But is it costing you the long term pleasure of having a fulfilling relationship, and the long term pain of realising you’ve wasted many years staying in an empty relationship?

By Jacqui Thomas

Live in the Now!

Jacqui — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 07:02:30 +0000

Most people have heard the saying:
“The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it’s called the present.”

However, how many of us spend a large proportion of our time either dwelling on issues of the past or striving to create a fantastic future? We are missing the here and now. While it’s worthwhile to reflect on the past, and to visualise the future, most of us would benefit from focusing more attention on the present.

The present is simply the reality of your life as it is today. Not how it could be, or should be, or you want it to be, but how it actually is. Even though we may not like it, the present is perfect. The way things are today are that way for good reason. This is your actual reality. It isn’t set in concrete forever, but it is what you have to work with at the present time.

To see how much of your attention is focused on the here and now, draw a circle. Now divide it into three sections according to how much of your focus is spent on the past, the present and the future. Be honest, you may be surprised. I encourage you to work on increasing the amount of focus you have for the present by letting go of the past and also your emphasis on the future. By all means, learn from the past, and always have one eye on where you are heading in the future, but try and keep the majority of your focus in the here and now, your current reality.

If you can focus most of your attention on the present you will be more aware of your reality. This enables you to change and improve things you would like to be different. It also makes you more aware of opportunities that arise today, which are easily missed if you are focussing on the past or future. Best of all, this enables you to enjoy what you already have. It may take some effort to get there, but aim for about 80% focus on the present, with 10% each for the past and the future. The past is gone, and the future never gets here – all we really have is now.

By Jacqui Thomas

Saying ‘No” – the Power of a 2 Letter Word

Jacqui — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 07:18:46 +0000

How often do you say “yes” when you really mean “no”? Do you run yourself ragged trying to get things done that you agreed to but didn’t want to do in the first place? Do you wonder why you have no time and energy left for the things that are important to you? Do you worry about letting other people down? Do you wonder why on earth you said “yes” in the first place?

Stop! Enough of trying to be super-human, enough of not wanting to disappoint others, enough of putting everybody else before yourself. It is time to start saying no more often. I guarantee not only will you reap the rewards, but those closest to you will benefit as well.

Here are a few places to start:

* Start putting your own needs first and although there may be some initial backlash, I guarantee the positive results will be worth it. “But I feel so selfish!” I hear you say. Think of it this way, there is a very good reason why the airline safety messages say “please fix your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others” – it’s because you are no help to others if you haven’t already taken care of your own needs first! So say “no”. It’s not in anyone’s best interests for you to agree to help others if you haven’t already looked after yourself.

* Eliminate the “shoulds” in your life. Don’t say “yes” to anything you don’t want to do, even if you feel you “should” do it. Trying to do the “shoulds” in your life is a major waste of time and energy.

* Focus on your priorities and what is really important to you. You always have choices, but you don’t physically have enough time, space and energy to say yes to everything. Say no to low priorities so you can say “yes” to things that really matter to you.

Tips on How to Say No

* The word “no” should start the sentence
* Speak clearly and confidently
* Say what you mean
* Be decisive
* Be polite but firm
* Keep your tone neutral, not emotional
* If you want to, you can explain why
* If you want to, you can offer an alternative
* If it’s appropriate, thank them for the offer
* Don’t feel guilty!

By Jacqui Thomas

Damage Control – Surviving Your Mistakes

Jacqui — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 07:14:59 +0000

Mistakes are an essential part of the learning process and an inevitable part of life. We all make mistakes, but some of them are bigger and have more serious consequences than others, especially if they involve our work or our personal relationships. So how can we make the most of our mistakes and learn from them rather than being crippled and devastated by them?

The first step is to come clean and admit your mistake. Although this may be difficult, you need to be honest and take responsibility for your mistake. The sooner you do this, the easier it is to rectify it and the less negative consequences there are likely to be. Don’t be tempted to lie, blame someone else, or cover up the mistake as this always makes the situation worse and the problems bigger. As scary as it may be, the sooner you can own up and accept responsibility, the better off you will be in the long run.

Secondly, you need to apologise to anyone who has been affected by your mistake, and then do whatever you can to fix it. Sometimes taking responsibility and apologising will be enough, in other cases some action may be required to repair the damage or resolve the situation. If you’re not sure what to do to fix it, ask the people concerned what you can do to make things right.

Once you have accepted responsibility and done everything you can to correct your mistake, the third step is to let it go, wipe the slate clean and move on. There’s no point beating yourself up over a mistake forever. You’re only human, so don’t be too hard on yourself, just keep doing the best you can. Learn from your mistake and try to ensure you don’t make the same mistake twice.

By Jacqui Thomas