Jacqui Thomas » Juggling Work and Kids

Single and Want a Baby?

Jacqui — Mon, 10 May 2010 11:03:42 +0000

As a Mum who was a single parent from the very beginning, I’m often asked about the pros and cons of having a baby by yourself. In this age of independent women having careers and travelling, whilst the biological clock keeps on ticking, it’s a decision more and more single, thirty something, women are faced with. If you are single, want to have a child, and are running out of time, then deciding to go ahead on your own can be the only option. There is no right or wrong answer here, no foolproof decision making tool, but here are some important questions to work through to make the best choice for you.

The number one thing you need is support, so have a good think about what support network you have already, or could build, to help you bring up this child. This could include family, friends, practical support, financial support and good childcare.

Another big question is “who is going to father this child?” Friend? Boyfriend? Sperm donor? If it’s going to be someone you know, be sure to clarify what that person’s role will be once the baby is born.

One of the biggest challenges a single parent faces is financial. At face value, this is obvious – you need to have some kind of income to support not only yourself, but your new family. What you may not realise, however, is just how much money you will require. Children can be expensive, and I don’t just mean nappies and baby paraphernalia. All of your living expenses increase when all of a sudden there is more than just you to care for. That child is now relying on you for somewhere to live, food, warmth, healthcare, clothing, education, entertainment and the list goes on. You have taken on the responsibility of providing that child with the best possible start in life so it’s up to you to make that happen.

What makes that even more challenging is that if you are the sole care-giver, then you already have a job 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. For every hour that you are not actively caring for that child, you need to find someone else to look after them instead, and will quite possibly have to pay for this. However it is all possible and can be made a lot easier with some forward planning.

Lastly, I think it’s worth a mention that although your timeframe to produce your baby may be urgent and you’re currently single, having a baby by yourself doesn’t necessarily mean you will always be a single parent. Who knows when your next ideal partner may come along? It’s quite possible that the wonderful daddy can be added to the family after the baby is born, rather than in the usual order of events. This can actually take the pressure off potential relationships, as it takes the urgency of committing to making a baby away. And, after the event, it’s obvious that the child is part of the package, which quickly weeds out any would-be suitors that aren’t interested in kids.

Yes, it is a challenge to bring up a child on your own, but it’s also very rewarding and certainly not impossible. Once you’ve got them, though, they’re here for good, so if you do want to have a child on your own, do your homework first – it’s not as easy as it looks!

Starship, St Johns Ambulance and a Fantastic Primary School

Jacqui — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 04:05:55 +0000

Having moved north from the Mainland five years ago, I’ve struggled a bit to find a sense of belonging living here in central Auckland, a place to put down some roots and feel a sense of home and community. However I found this recently, when my six year old daughter came a cropper in the school playground and smashed her elbow. Samantha’s always been a bit of a dare devil stuntwoman. I swear she was a monkey in a former life, so it was only really a matter of time before she pushed the boundaries too far and learned what her physical limits are. Even so, no parent likes getting a call from school saying “can you get here immediately to accompany your child in the ambulance”, and if you’re in the middle of a business meeting and you have deadlines looming that suddenly can’t be met, it all adds to the stress.

So it was a rather ragged looking mummy that turned up at school to find a very brave little girl, obviously in agony, still waiting for the ambulance to get there so she would be allowed some kind of pain relief. The staff at Ponsonby Primary School were absolutely fantastic. The Principal, Anne Malcolm, has obviously had a lot of experience with broken bones in the playground and took immediate control. She insisted we wait for the ambulance, despite them being diverted to a more serious accident on the way, resulting in a substantial time delay, which was the right call, given the nature of the break.

The office staff had thought of everything including having a $20 note ready to lend me in case I didn’t have any cash on me for the long wait ahead at the hospital. The caretaker took care of my car, and the Principal texted us several times over the weekend to check on our progress.

The ambulance guys were lovely and super apologetic about us having to wait so long. But I completely understand – life and death supersedes broken bones every time. They simply need more funding so they can be in more places at once.

The love and care continued at Starship (Children’s Hospital). Arriving via ambulance meant that we were already in the system and the process of getting Samantha dealt with was already underway. We were there overnight and well into the next day – the elbow required an operation to wire it back together – and we’ve had a couple of outpatient visits since. Every single person we’ve dealt with there has been nothing short of fabulous. The systems have worked, everything has always happened in a timely fashion, and always with exceptional levels of love and care. While no parent would ever want to spend too much time at Starship, I do feel blessed that we live in a place with this level of healthcare for our children, should it be required.

And, finally, I now feel a sense of community, caring and belonging in our life here in Auckland. To the Ponsonby Primary School Principal and staff, St Johns Ambulance, Starship Hospital and my dear friend Michele who was there when they put my little girl to sleep, and waited with me til she woke up – a big warm thank you!

By Jacqui Thomas

School Flower Show Could Tip a Mum Over the Edge

Jacqui — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 22:42:22 +0000

Most of the time, this working Mum manages to keep most of the balls in the air, the important ones anyway, in regard to keeping the balance between keeping my business afloat and being a good Mum to my darling six year old, Samantha. Every now and then though, you get thrown a curve ball that could just send you over the edge. One such curve ball came today in the form of the Junior School Flower Show. Sounds innocent enough, but for a working parent who doesn’t have the preparation time factored in, this could spell a complete family melt down.

I have fond memories of the Flower Show from when I was a kid. I grew up in a small town in the country and the Flower Show was run by the Country Women’s Institute for the whole community and was quite an event on the local calendar. Some elements of it are still exactly the same, thirty years on! I smiled when I saw the obligatory sand saucer in the programme, and there’s still the fruit and vegetable novelty.

But times have changed. Back in my day, everyone had big flower gardens, and it was held in November! We’d load up the car with as many buckets as we could find and go around different people’s gardens gathering flowers for our creations. Even without the factor that we happen to live in an apartment in the city and don’t have a garden, nor do we have any friendly family members to pilfer flowers from, it’s also only August! Isn’t that a bit ambitious for Spring, even for a family with a garden?

So when the lengthy notice comes home from school of all the things required (for tomorrow!) a time short Mum can end up tearing her hair out!

I had thought we were super organised a couple of days out, but that was when I thought we only needed to choose one creation off the list. I’d been quite relieved when Samantha had agreed that she’d like to make the multi-media garden scene. Fantastic, I thought, and we set about gathering all the creative bits and pieces that we do tend to have around home, and we were sorted, or so I thought. But, no. Actually we need to make everything on the list and that means real flora!

Hmmm, time to think outside the square, Mummy! A quick think about who we know with a garden and a look around the neighbourhood doesn’t come up with anything. I guess the obvious solution would be to go to a florist, but the idea of buying expensive flowers for a kids’ school flower show just seems ridiculous. I suggest an all green design as we can find heaps of different leaves and ferns at the park. Doesn’t illicit a particularly enthusiastic response. A trip to the supermarket, at least provides an assortment of vegies for the fruit and vegetable novelty. I look at the flower section there – still expensive, and really how do you make a sand saucer out of a bunch of droopy roses? Running out of ideas, I opt for a caring, sharing philosophy. We head back to the produce section for extra vegies. I figure if she turns up with plenty, she’ll at least have extra things to trade with her friends!

By Jacqui Thomas