Are you harbouring a grudge against someone, or something? If you are, and you think this is affecting the other party concerned, then you are seriously misleading yourself. The only person that you are hurting by holding onto these negative thoughts, is you! Do yourself a favour and let it go. The power and benefits of forgiveness is huge, but admittedly it is sometimes easier said than done.
It might help to first define forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean “what you did is okay”. It just means “I am no longer willing to carry around pain and anger in response to your actions.” This is where the benefits of forgiveness really come into play, as you are only hurting yourself by carrying around that hurt, anger and irritation. This really equates to a double whammy – first the hurt from the original incident and then the ongoing hurt from letting it continue!
Work out what you need to do to be able to let it go and move on. You may not be able to get the resolution you would like from the other party but by all means ask for it, if you can. If you decide to go down this track, be sure to communicate your message and your desired resolve in a neutral manner. If it comes across as an emotional outburst, the content of your message will be lost and all that will be heard is the emotion. This usually results in an equally emotional response back, which won’t achieve the desired results.
Sometimes just communicating how you feel about the incident is enough. This doesn’t necessarily need to be a dialogue with the other party. Often just writing it all down in a letter to the other person can be a beneficial letting go process. The letter doesn’t even need to be sent. In fact, I recommend waiting for a couple of days and rereading it before sending it. In many cases you will have moved on significantly just through writing it all down and clearing your head, and the letter can be disposed of. If writing isn’t your thing then find a positive person who’s a good listener that you can pour your story out to. Be careful not to choose someone who thrives on drama and problems, though, or they may want to dwell on how awful it all is, rather than help you let go of it.
For many people, the person they harbour the biggest grudges against are themselves! Feeling hatred, anger, and resentment toward yourself is no fun at all, and quite simply, it will make you sick. Guilt, blame and other negative emotions quite literally poison your system, and for what purpose? Whether you’re feeling this way towards yourself, or someone else, there is absolutely nothing good that will come from of it. We all make mistakes, each and every one of us. Very few people are inherently bad, but we’re all fallible. So whether it’s yourself you need to forgive, or someone else, do yourself a favour and let it go, it’s definitely in your best interests.
By Jacqui Thomas
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