Jacqui Thomas » Clearing Clutter

You Can’t Stockpile Opportunities

Jacqui — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:19:45 +0000

Ideas and opportunities can come any time, any place. Often they just start as a thought that pops into your head. They can arrive completely randomly, or be triggered by something you see, or hear. I like to think ideas come from a greater source, something we can’t fully understand, but that is more powerful than just little old us. As such, an idea is a gift and it should make you do something, take some kind of action – but how often do we get great ideas and not do anything with them?

Usually it’s that same old obstacle holding us back – FEAR. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of what people might think…. and the list goes on.

When you are open to the flow – of energy, and of life itself – ideas and opportunities can come anytime and frequently. The thing with flow, though, is it needs to keep flowing! Ie, it needs to keep moving. If you start stockpiling your opportunities, you block the flow. You create a traffic jam in your mind and new ideas can’t get through until the first one is out of the way.

I realise it’s not always practical to act on ideas immediately. Sometimes you have to pop an idea to one side – maybe it needs more time, more thought, more information, or more resources before you can act on it. You can still keep your ideas and opportunities flowing by moving this one out of the way. A coach I once worked with, had what he called an Idea Incubator. He looked at my To Do list and wondered why things would still remain on the list week after week – I simply couldn’t action them yet, even though I still wanted to.

He said, “Jacqui, you need to take these things off your To Do list and put them in your Incubator – they are wasting valuable time and energy and clogging up your flow. When you are ready to actually do something with them, move them back on to your action list then.”

Your incubator could be a box, a folder, a book or just a scrap of paper in a safe place. Anywhere where you know you can keep your ideas safe without having to actively remember them.

Another important thing about ideas and opportunities is that there are plenty of them. You don’t have to take them all. Opportunities are like buses – one gone is one gone forever, but don’t worry, there will be another one along soon. There’s no point wasting your time longing for the one you’ve missed, just get yourself ready to take the next one!

To make the most of your ideas and opportunities you need to be proactive. You have a choice to make and the sooner you do it, the better. Here’s a simple Opportunity Filing System with three options:

Act on it
Decide not to act on it – ie, Bin it!
Move it to the Incubator so it’s in a safe place for the future.

There’s no right or wrong choice, just choose. If you’re not happy with your choice, choose again. But DON”T let your ideas take up valuable space in the forefront of your mind while you do nothing – this will block your flow and stop new opportunities getting through!

Written by Jacqui Thomas

Live in the Now!

Jacqui — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 07:02:30 +0000

Most people have heard the saying:
“The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it’s called the present.”

However, how many of us spend a large proportion of our time either dwelling on issues of the past or striving to create a fantastic future? We are missing the here and now. While it’s worthwhile to reflect on the past, and to visualise the future, most of us would benefit from focusing more attention on the present.

The present is simply the reality of your life as it is today. Not how it could be, or should be, or you want it to be, but how it actually is. Even though we may not like it, the present is perfect. The way things are today are that way for good reason. This is your actual reality. It isn’t set in concrete forever, but it is what you have to work with at the present time.

To see how much of your attention is focused on the here and now, draw a circle. Now divide it into three sections according to how much of your focus is spent on the past, the present and the future. Be honest, you may be surprised. I encourage you to work on increasing the amount of focus you have for the present by letting go of the past and also your emphasis on the future. By all means, learn from the past, and always have one eye on where you are heading in the future, but try and keep the majority of your focus in the here and now, your current reality.

If you can focus most of your attention on the present you will be more aware of your reality. This enables you to change and improve things you would like to be different. It also makes you more aware of opportunities that arise today, which are easily missed if you are focussing on the past or future. Best of all, this enables you to enjoy what you already have. It may take some effort to get there, but aim for about 80% focus on the present, with 10% each for the past and the future. The past is gone, and the future never gets here – all we really have is now.

By Jacqui Thomas

Saying ‘No” – the Power of a 2 Letter Word

Jacqui — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 07:18:46 +0000

How often do you say “yes” when you really mean “no”? Do you run yourself ragged trying to get things done that you agreed to but didn’t want to do in the first place? Do you wonder why you have no time and energy left for the things that are important to you? Do you worry about letting other people down? Do you wonder why on earth you said “yes” in the first place?

Stop! Enough of trying to be super-human, enough of not wanting to disappoint others, enough of putting everybody else before yourself. It is time to start saying no more often. I guarantee not only will you reap the rewards, but those closest to you will benefit as well.

Here are a few places to start:

* Start putting your own needs first and although there may be some initial backlash, I guarantee the positive results will be worth it. “But I feel so selfish!” I hear you say. Think of it this way, there is a very good reason why the airline safety messages say “please fix your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others” – it’s because you are no help to others if you haven’t already taken care of your own needs first! So say “no”. It’s not in anyone’s best interests for you to agree to help others if you haven’t already looked after yourself.

* Eliminate the “shoulds” in your life. Don’t say “yes” to anything you don’t want to do, even if you feel you “should” do it. Trying to do the “shoulds” in your life is a major waste of time and energy.

* Focus on your priorities and what is really important to you. You always have choices, but you don’t physically have enough time, space and energy to say yes to everything. Say no to low priorities so you can say “yes” to things that really matter to you.

Tips on How to Say No

* The word “no” should start the sentence
* Speak clearly and confidently
* Say what you mean
* Be decisive
* Be polite but firm
* Keep your tone neutral, not emotional
* If you want to, you can explain why
* If you want to, you can offer an alternative
* If it’s appropriate, thank them for the offer
* Don’t feel guilty!

By Jacqui Thomas

Create More Energy by Sorting the Small Stuff

Jacqui — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 23:41:52 +0000

Have you ever thought about how much energy you waste on little niggly, irritations? Those little things that you tolerate on a daily basis but that aren’t quite enough of a nuisance to do something about? You know the things I mean, the messy drawer, the tap that drips, the strange noise in the dishwasher, the pile of filing on the corner of your desk, the missing button on your favourite shirt, and the list goes on. While these are all small, insignificant things on their own, together they add up to a major drain on our energy. If you picture that all your energy is held by a polystyrene cup, and each of these irritations are represented with a pin prick, you can see that before long your polystyrene cup resembles a sieve and all your energy is fast disappearing!

So what can you do about it? First start by making a list of all the things that you are currently putting up with. You may like to make two separate lists: one for work and one for home. Don’t be put off if the list gets quite long – this is quite normal, and all part of the process!

Now that you have your list, start addressing them one by one. Different items on your list will require different forms of attack. Some will be better already simply by you becoming aware of them and acknowledging that they are draining for you. Others require a direct action from you to cross them off the list. Some you may be able to delegate to others for action. Others may be communication issues and just talking to the person concerned will eliminate the irritation. In some cases you may realise there is nothing that can be done about an item on your list. In this case just accepting is the solution. By accepting that there is nothing that can be done about it, the irritation will fade away.

Don’t feel you need to fix all the items on your list at once, just choose one or two at a time and slowly but surely work through it. You will be amazed how much better you feel and how much more energy you have with each item you are able to cross off your list!

By Jacqui Thomas

Simplify Your Life!

Jacqui — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 07:09:53 +0000

Are you suffering from overwhelm? Do you ever wish the world would stop so you can get off? Do you feel like your life is just one never-ending circle? It might be time to simplify.

Our lives have got so busy and complicated but actually it doesn’t have to be that way. So often I hear clients complain about how busy they are and how they have to do this and that and they never have any time. Most people’s lives are too tightly jammed with projects, appointments, goals, commitments, shoulds, have-to’s, expectations and obligations.

This makes it very difficult to be true to yourself and have the life you want. Life becomes a constant struggle to just keep up. It also means that you’re not available to new and exciting opportunities as they come up. What a nightmare! Stop! You do have a choice! At any point you can simply decide you don’t want to live like this anymore and I encourage you to make that choice right now, today.

Take a look at your current life. Are there any projects, goals or commitments you have that you really don’t want in your life? Be ruthless and delete them. You may have things that you’re spending time and energy on that simply are not important to you, or it may be that they were important once but are no longer relevant. Get rid of them. Are there things that have been on your “to do” list forever? Chances are if they were that important they would be done by now, so do yourself a favour and cross them off. Are there people that you keep meaning to catch up with but never do? Maybe your friendships have changed too. It may sound harsh but maybe it’s time to delete them as well. Simplifying your relationships means you have more quality time for the people that really matter to you.

I challenge you to get rid of at least three things from your life, even more if you’re feeling brave – I guarantee you’ll feel better for it. And the next time you catch yourself complaining about how busy you are – remember, it’s your choice! Take control of your life, delete what’s not important and only keep the bits that are real and meaningful for you.

By Jacqui Thomas

Let it Go – The Art of Forgiveness

Jacqui — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 06:57:00 +0000

Are you harbouring a grudge against someone, or something? If you are, and you think this is affecting the other party concerned, then you are seriously misleading yourself. The only person that you are hurting by holding onto these negative thoughts, is you! Do yourself a favour and let it go. The power and benefits of forgiveness is huge, but admittedly it is sometimes easier said than done.

It might help to first define forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean “what you did is okay”. It just means “I am no longer willing to carry around pain and anger in response to your actions.” This is where the benefits of forgiveness really come into play, as you are only hurting yourself by carrying around that hurt, anger and irritation. This really equates to a double whammy – first the hurt from the original incident and then the ongoing hurt from letting it continue!

Work out what you need to do to be able to let it go and move on. You may not be able to get the resolution you would like from the other party but by all means ask for it, if you can. If you decide to go down this track, be sure to communicate your message and your desired resolve in a neutral manner. If it comes across as an emotional outburst, the content of your message will be lost and all that will be heard is the emotion. This usually results in an equally emotional response back, which won’t achieve the desired results.

Sometimes just communicating how you feel about the incident is enough. This doesn’t necessarily need to be a dialogue with the other party. Often just writing it all down in a letter to the other person can be a beneficial letting go process. The letter doesn’t even need to be sent. In fact, I recommend waiting for a couple of days and rereading it before sending it. In many cases you will have moved on significantly just through writing it all down and clearing your head, and the letter can be disposed of. If writing isn’t your thing then find a positive person who’s a good listener that you can pour your story out to. Be careful not to choose someone who thrives on drama and problems, though, or they may want to dwell on how awful it all is, rather than help you let go of it.

For many people, the person they harbour the biggest grudges against are themselves! Feeling hatred, anger, and resentment toward yourself is no fun at all, and quite simply, it will make you sick. Guilt, blame and other negative emotions quite literally poison your system, and for what purpose? Whether you’re feeling this way towards yourself, or someone else, there is absolutely nothing good that will come from of it. We all make mistakes, each and every one of us. Very few people are inherently bad, but we’re all fallible. So whether it’s yourself you need to forgive, or someone else, do yourself a favour and let it go, it’s definitely in your best interests.

By Jacqui Thomas

What To Do When Your Problems Are Actually Someone Else’s – The Art of Setting Boundaries

Jacqui — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 07:26:22 +0000

Many clients come to me in despair with problems and issues that actually belong to other people – partners, children, friends, family members, work colleagues. Often they’ve tried to get these people to change their offending behaviour and failed. And therein lies the problem. We can’t change other people, nor do we have any right to. People will change if and when they want to and not a moment sooner.

So what can we do if other people’s behaviour is affecting us in a negative way? Although we can’t control someone else’s behaviour, we can control what behaviour we allow in our personal space. We do this by creating boundaries. Boundaries are imaginary lines that define what other people are allowed to do to us and around us.

Here’s an example. Jane hates cigarette smoking, but her best friend Lisa smokes a packet a day. Jane cannot change Lisa’s behaviour and insist she give up smoking. But, she can set boundaries around how Lisa’s smoking affects her. Her boundaries are that Lisa cannot smoke inside Jane’s house or in her car.

For boundaries to work, people have to know about them. Here is a step by step process to deliver your boundaries.

Step 1: Inform the person about your boundary. Eg, I don’t allow people smoking inside my house.
Step 2: Request that they honour your boundary by changing their behaviour around you. Give them suggestions of how they could make it better. Eg, If you want to smoke at my house, I would like you to smoke outside.
Step 3: Insist that they keep to your boundary. (This step may not be required. Often when people know that they are doing something you don’t like and they have been given an opportunity to make it right, they will.) Advise the person of negative consequences if they don’t honour your boundary. Eg, If you are not prepared to smoke outside, you are not welcome in my home.
Step 4: Follow through with negative consequences if the boundary you have set has not been honoured.

It is human nature to test boundaries, so don’t give up if your boundary setting is not successful immediately. The step by step process may need to be repeated before the person realises you are serious about the new boundary.

Lastly, for boundaries to be effective they also need to match your own personal standards. It is pretty difficult to enforce a boundary, which is “do as I say, but not as I do.”