Jacqui Thomas » Gratitude

Allow Yourself to Receive

Jacqui — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 04:13:43 +0000

Being fiercely independent is limited and selfish. A controversial statement perhaps, but as Helen Keller famously said, “Alone we can achieve so little, but together we can achieve so much.” Even Einstein, known more for his mathematical genius than his philosophies on life, deduced that “when two people put their heads together, it is like a third person has entered the room”.

A certain amount of independence is a good thing. It’s useful to be capable of looking after yourself and to be responsible for your actions. But being completely self-sufficient is counter-productive. Being totally self reliant cuts you off from community which is essential for us to “thrive”, rather than merely “survive”.

As humans we have needs beyond basic food and shelter. We have an emotional need for community – to share, to love, to feel, to contribute. Being part of a community is a two way street – you need to be able to “give” and to “receive”. In order for the process to work effectively, receiving is equally important as giving. One can’t happen without the other. So it’s important to take your turn at both.

Sometimes we feel like we have to do it all, that there is no help available. There is always help available, but you have to be willing to allow it. Maybe you need to create some space to let the help in? Allow yourself to receive. Stop doing it all, so there is room for others to help you. Ask for help and accept it graciously when it comes. Let go of needing to control everything yourself, so other people can help you. And remember that receiving help is just as valid as giving it. Both sides of the equation are crucial to the process – so we all need to do our fair share of both!

An Attitude of Gratitude

Jacqui — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 03:22:58 +0000

How often do you actually stop and appreciate everything you have and everything that is good about your life? I’m sure we can all recall times when we’ve been told to “count our blessings” but when was the last time you actually did? Feeling and being grateful is a powerful exercise, which not only can make you feel a lot better about your circumstances, but also seems to welcome more good things into your life.

Most of us here in New Zealand truly do have a lot to be grateful for. We live in a beautiful country, we have the luxury of freedom, and we are relatively safe and trouble free. The vast majority of us have a roof over our heads, food in our tummies, the opportunity of good education and safe drinking water straight out of the tap. If we can add to the list good health and people who love us, then most of us really are quite lucky and do indeed have a lot to be grateful for.

Next time you’re feeling a bit down and life seems unfair, a great boost is to write yourself an exhaustive list of all the things you are grateful for. Don’t forget to include things that you probably take for granted but would miss terribly if they were taken away, these are usually the important ones! Don’t stop until you absolutely can’t think of anything else to add. I guarantee you’ll feel instantly better about your situation. It’s highly likely that once you have your “grateful list”, whatever it is you’re upset about not having will seem quite trivial in comparison with everything you do have. It’s quite true, no matter how bad things seem, there will always be someone much worse off than you, and I bet they would love to trade places and have all that you have.

You don’t have to wait until you’re feeling sorry for yourself to start getting into the habit of being grateful. A daily grateful journal is a lovely way to finish each day. Simply write down 5 things that you are grateful for before you go to bed each night. This gets you into the habit of focussing on what’s good in your life, rather than what’s wrong or missing. When you do this consistently not only do you feel much better about yourself, you also start a positive spiral upwards, attracting more good things your way. It seems we don’t get given any more until we appreciate what we’ve already got!

By Jacqui Thomas

Everything is Always Alright in the End

Jacqui — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:24:42 +0000

One of my favourite quotes is from the Dalai Lama, “Everything is always alright in the end. If it is not alright, then it is not the end.”

No matter how bad things seem, it is never forever, it always gets better. Sometimes you just have to trust the process, and focus on your intended outcome, and remember that the rough patch will pass.

Change, and/or the need for change, can often be uncomfortable, but this discomfort is useful. Often it is a signal that changes need to be made and if they’re not made, the discomfort will increase until you do. At some point, the choice may no longer even be yours to make, and change will just happen with or without you. They say the Universe sends you messages, and if you don’t listen it turns up the volume!

The uncomfortable part can also come in the midst of change. You can ride this out, knowing that the discomfort is a natural part of the reshuffle forwards onto better things. Again focus on your intended outcome, trust the process, and know that the rough patch is part of working towards the better place at the end.

I’ve had two examples of this myself recently. One being a flatmate situation that was no longer working. I knew I needed to make a change but kept putting it off (avoiding confrontation perhaps?) until eventually the messages were getting so loud that I absolutely had to do something about it. The process was uncomfortable, but by focussing on my intended outcome, I knew I could ride it out and in the end, it would all be alright.

A second example is a new website I’ve been working on. There have been moments when I could very easily get bogged down in all the glitches and hiccups in the development process, and think it’s never going to work, that it’s all gone wrong. But by remembering the Dalai Lama, trusting the process, and focussing on the desired end result, the challenges and issues have been worked through and we’re on track to get to the intended outcome.

This is true of any situation. Change is the one true constant. Learn to work with it and you can save yourself a lot of stress.

Written by Jacqui Thomas

Remaining Calm Despite the Conspiracy

Jacqui — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 22:58:48 +0000

It’s that time of the year when things get busy: everyone is trying to get things finished before the end of the year, there are social functions, school functions and general Christmas festivities to fit in, plus there’s the shopping and general preparations for what is arguably the most prominent event on our annual calendar – Christmas. So when things go wrong at this time of year, it can easily be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and send a normally sane person into a complete meltdown.

That could’ve easily been the case for me this weekend, but instead I somehow managed to remain incredibly calm and experienced the wonder of going with the flow, instead of the extra stress associated with resisting reality.

I was so far behind with my work commitments, hadn’t even begun the Christmas shopping, and the Christmas tree had already been deleted from the agenda and put back into storage, so I really didn’t have time to attend my friend’s baby shower, especially as she lives three hours away. But she is a good friend, and I decided that actually, an enforced overnight break out of town may be just what the doctor ordered. That was fine until, at 7pm on a country road in the middle of nowhere, my car broke down and refused to go again. I got to experience the best of human nature as some local farmers towed me to the nearest town, where we left my car outside a garage, and my dear friends came and collected me. For the next two days, we were stuck on an idyllic rural property with no car, and no cell phone or broadband coverage, with nothing to do but relax until the car could be fixed.

At this point most of us would stress and worry about all the things we are supposed to be doing, the meetings we are missing, the tasks that are not being done. Or, we can practice going with the flow and trusting that the present is prefect, that everything is exactly how it supposed to be, even if it’s not how we would like it.

Dan Millman says, “Stress is the mind’s refusal to accept what is.” Ain’t that the truth? We don’t have to like reality, but accepting what the current reality is, is a great starting point to make changes, without getting eaten up by stress of it.

One of my favourite quotes is from the Dalai Lama who says, “Sometimes when things don’t go your way, it’s a wonderful stroke of luck.”

And a friend of mine is fond of the notion “that it’s not going wrong, it’s just going.” I had set my intention to replace my car before Christmas, maybe this is part of the process? You have to clear the old to make way for the new. Or maybe Santa is just being cheeky and having some fun with my Christmas wishlist?

Either way, things will go wrong for each and every one of us. We can either make it ten times worse for ourselves by stressing about it, or go with the flow, accept the current reality and see how you can make the best of it.

By Jacqui Thomas

Know Your Worth – What’s Your True Value?

Jacqui — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 01:35:33 +0000

I was reminded the other day of a story I was told a few years ago. It was about a speaker who pulled a crisp, fresh $100 note out of his pocket and offered it to his audience. “who would like this $100 note?” he asked. Of course nearly everyone was keen to accept it with hands waving madly in the air. “What about this $100 note?” he asked offering a more worn, dirtier looking note, instead. Still the same people responded, happy to accept the money. Then he took the worn, dirty note, screwed it up in a ball and stood on it, squashing it into the ground. When he picked it up, the $100 was barely recognisable but still he offered it to the crowd and still he was met with the same enthusiastic response. No matter what he did to that piece of paper, it still held it’s same true value, it was still worth $100.

And that is the same for each of us. No matter what happens to us on the outside, even if our face value appears crumpled, worn out or dirty, our true value comes from within. Our true value does not come from the car that we drive, the clothes that we wear, whether or not we are having a bad hair day. If we make a mistake in business, or can’t meet a deadline at work, or don’t organise the most fabulous birthday party for our kids, even though we did our best, this does not affect our true value. If you are going through a rough patch your face value may well be looking a little worse for wear, but your true value holds it’s worth.

Most people don’t really know their true value. Instead they judge their worth by other people’s response to their face value. Taking the time to make a list of what makes you valuable is a hugely empowering exercise. List what you know you are good at, what you contribute to others, all of your positive qualities. It could be things like making people laugh, spending quality time with your children, being organised and efficient, a creative talent, whatever it is that makes you the person you are, and is inherently valuable. When you know your worth it is easier to believe in yourself, and when you have self -belief, anything is possible.

By Jacqui Thomas

The Power of Positive Feeling

Jacqui — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 07:44:20 +0000

Most people probably know that it’s beneficial to think positive. To really reap the rewards, you need to take that a step further, though. It’s not just about “thinking” positively, you need to “feel” positive.

We’ve all heard sayings such as “you reap what you sow” and “you get out what you put in”. The basis behind these is that what we put out into the Universe is what we attract back. So if you’re putting positive stuff out, you will attract good stuff back, and if you’re putting negative stuff out then you will attract more of the same.

Scientists have long known that everything in our world, including people, can be broken down into particles of energy, and that similar energy is attracted to other similar energy. In simple terms this means that we’re all radiating our personal energy out into the world. But, our energy differs according to our mood and our feelings.

We’ve all had days where nothing seems to go right and the more frustrated and angry we get, the worse everything gets. Or days when we are really down and the more we wallow in our misery the more sorry for ourselves we feel. Luckily most of us can also recall days where we feel fantastic and everything just seems to fall into place without too much effort. We probably all know of people that always seem so happy and for some reason their life seems so wonderful and so easy. We can probably also think of people who are always complaining about something and their life seems like one continuous drama. Although we’re not aware of it, this is our power of attraction in action. Just like magnets we automatically attract back into our lives the same sort of energy that we are putting out.

The great thing is that once we know about this we can put it to good use attracting lots of what we want into our lives. The trick is to train yourself to feel positive feelings such as happiness, joy, excitement, contentment and satisfaction as often as possible. The more positive you feel, the more good you will attract back. With practice this can be as simple as making a choice to be happy, no matter what.

Try and minimise the negative feelings you feel such as sadness, anger, frustration, guilt, anxiety, stress and jealousy. There will be times when things go wrong and you genuinely feel these negative feelings and that’s ok. Just remember the price you pay for radiating this negativity and try not to hang on to it for too long. You don’t want to attract back more of the same!

If you are stuck in a negative cycle it can be difficult to break out of. Focus on anything you can that makes you feel happy, even if you have to pretend. As you get better at it you will find that you genuinely do have more to be happy about, and the easier it becomes to feel positive. You will begin to spiral upwards, instead of down. Believe me, it’s worth the effort!

By Jacqui Thomas