The number one thing you need is support, so have a good think about what support network you have already, or could build, to help you bring up this child.  This could include family, friends, practical support, financial support and good childcare.

Another big question is “who is going to father this child?”  Friend?  Boyfriend?  Sperm donor?  If it’s going to be someone you know, be sure to clarify what that person’s role will be once the baby is born.

One of the biggest challenges a single parent faces is financial.  At face value, this is obvious – you need to have some kind of income to support not only yourself, but your new family.  What you may not realise, however, is just how much money you will require.  Children can be expensive, and I don’t just mean nappies and baby paraphernalia.  All of your living expenses increase when all of a sudden there is more than just you to care for.  That child is now relying on you for somewhere to live, food, warmth, healthcare, clothing, education, entertainment and the list goes on.  You have taken on the responsibility of providing that child with the best possible start in life so it’s up to you to make that happen.

What makes that even more challenging is that if you are the sole care-giver, then you already have a job 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  For every hour that you are not actively caring for that child, you need to find someone else to look after them instead, and will quite possibly have to pay for this.  However it is all possible and can be made a lot easier with some forward planning.

Lastly, I think it’s worth a mention that although your timeframe to produce your baby may be urgent and you’re currently single, having a baby by yourself doesn’t necessarily mean you will always be a single parent.  Who knows when your next ideal partner may come along?  It’s quite possible that the wonderful daddy can be added to the family after the baby is born, rather than in the usual order of events.  This can actually take the pressure off potential relationships, as it takes the urgency of committing to making a baby away.  And, after the event, it’s obvious that the child is part of the package, which quickly weeds out any would-be suitors that aren’t interested in kids.

Yes, it is a challenge to bring up a child on your own, but it’s also very rewarding and certainly not impossible.  Once you’ve got them, though, they’re here for good, so if you do want to have a child on your own, do your homework first – it’s not as easy as it looks!

© Jacqui Thomas, All rights reserved, 2010

These businesses are largely service type businesses such as media publications, business coaches / consultants, graphic designers, copywriters, web designers/ developers, etc.  At a time when businesses need to innovate, learn and grow, develop and try new strategies, promote themselves, advertise their goods and services, they are instead hunkering down because they can’t afford to spend in these areas.  Not only does this mean that businesses aren’t moving with the times, it also means that other small businesses that in turn are reliant on these businesses as clients, also slow down, and so on it goes.

A simple idea could be for government to introduce some kind of small business incentive / subsidy /grant that allows small businesses to spend on training and development  and /or marketing and promotion to drive their businesses forward, as long as they spend this money with other NZ businesses. 

I know it’s very trendy to look at bigger business and the ability to export out of New Zealand, but at the heart of New Zealand lies a helluva lot of talented individuals who are self employed or running small businesses.  That equates to a big waste of skills & experience when their businesses go under and they can’t find jobs, and a huge loss if they decide to go overseas because they can’t earn a living here.

I’m not a politician, or particularly a strategist, so I’m certainly not suggesting this would solve all the ills of the economy.  But, I do think this simple initiative could turn around a downward spiral that I am seeing every day.  Let’s get our talent moving forward again, in a positive way, that will benefit us all.

© Jacqui Thomas, 2010, All rights reserved.

The woman behind showing me that successfully creating a website IS actually possible is the fantastic Belinda Duffy of Duffy Design.  Belinda was recommended to me by a friend who had endured three years of my website woes over numerous coffees.  And bless her, Belinda took it upon herself to personally guarantee that I would have a positive website experience, resulting in a fantastic website.  And she certainly delivered.

I have had many web companies tell me over the years that I couldn’t have cool design AND functionality, that I would have to choose which was my strongest priority.  I could never understand why I couldn’t have both and Belinda confirmed my gut instinct, that this is utter hogwash.  If your web design company is telling you this – RUN!  Yes, you can have a website that looks good, and also works.  No, it is not an unrealistic expectation!  If your company is telling you this, then it may be that they have staff that specialise in one or the other.

In Belinda’s case, she is primarily a designer.  She did all the design work for my brand and website www.jacquithomas.com from the overall layout down to individual little buttons and design features.  Belinda also works closely with a web development company that she uses to create the back end / functionality of the website, ie the code.  This can be where it all falls apart if the design team clashes with the development team.  As well as designing my site, Belinda project managed the complete website development and ensured that all aspects of functionality were covered off, as well as making sure that the design was fully implemented as she had intended.  

Belinda’s attention to detail and photographic memory is amazing.  No matter how stressful the project gets (and given my website history, it didn’t take much to push my buttons!) she manages to remain calm and good humoured.  I’d go so far as to say, she’s quite unflappable.  She really went the extra mile for me and for this I am extremely grateful.

As an aside she also is the parent of a small child and can be found working at strange hours of the night.  If you have weird  nocturnal habits like me, these crazy extra working hours can be an added bonus.  I am delighted to be able to recommend Belinda Duffy – Duffy Design to my clients, colleagues and friends.  If you would like to know more about her business and what she can do for you, check out her website or contact her directly at:

www.duffy.co.nz

Written by Jacqui Thomas, 2010 © All rights reserved.

The event we were watching was the Final of the Women’s Moguls.  A tough event, but very cool to watch.  As we approach the final, the Canadian woman is assured of a medal as long as she doesn’t make any major mistakes.  Her home crowd roared their support and then, halfway through the course, the unthinkable happened, she lost control and took a major tumble!  Skis are flying off in all directions, she’s obviously in pain, plus she has the knowledge that all those years of hard work, and her hopes of a medal, have now come crashing down.  The medal was so close, and now she is out of contention.

But, to her credit, she picks herself up and finds her skis.  She takes a moment, and focuses on the finish line.  She takes a deep breath and she carries on, completing the jumps and the rest of the gruelling course.  There were more tears and a standing ovation in our house!  What a fantastic illustration of courage, guts, focus, determination and tenacity.

We may not be Olympic skiers but we can all learn from this.  How often do we stop at the first obstacle?  How often do we quit before we reach the finish line?  They say that if you shoot for the moon, even if you fail you may still land on a star.  She didn’t get the medal, but she is still a star in my book!

Written by Jacqui Thomas

All rights reserved

Lynette, known as Polly to her friends, is a vibrant Maori woman successfully operating several Harcourts real estate offices in the Christchurch area.  A working class background hasn’t stopped her from becoming one of Christchurch’s hottest businesswomen.  Not content with her own success, she shares her positive energy with all around her, inspiring others to succeed and grow into whatever they wish to become.

I come from a family background that is absolutely not business aware.  My family doesn’t have a single business brain among them.  My parents are very traditional Maori, working class folks.  They are very loving but traditional role models.  Mum was at home looking after the kids, while Dad went out to work.  They had us when they were about twenty, so they were quite young and carefree, and probably didn’t really settle until they were much older.  By that time I was about twenty and needed some guidance a bit earlier than that.  I had a real issue with achieving but looking back I think I was just trying to get my parents to notice me.  They were just drifting along in life and I wanted more, I never wanted to drift.

I was very driven at school.  With the absence of role models I wasn’t really sure where I was going, so I went nursing after I finished school.  I did really well in my school exams and retrospectively I would have preferred law, but that just seemed far too outrageous to even be considered.  It probably still would be quite unheard of for someone from our family to do law.  So I went nursing, which was deemed very good and special.  I enjoyed my nursing and made some special friends but eventually I got tired of it.  After twelve years of nursing, I was away with my husband and said to him “I don’t wish to go back nursing.  I wish to do something else”.  We’d been married ten years and had our first son, Harry.  He thought I’d be good at real estate.  We’d always bought and sold properties, done them up as investments.  It seemed like a natural progression.

It was 1994 when I started to sell real estate.  Harry was only little, he wasn’t even walking or talking, and I was deciding to work fulltime.  In my first year in real estate, I was among the top Canterbury salespeople and had a six figure income.  I also had a change of office in my first year, which didn’t really work out.  I looked across the road and thought I saw something better, but it wasn’t, so I had to go back to my old boss with my tail between my legs, and he kindly took me back.  I had a couple of years of good sales and then John, my husband, decided he was sick of plumbing and he wanted to join me in real estate.  He came and worked with me for a while which was really hard because I was used to doing my own thing, and had been for a couple of years.  I had systems and routines established and he was coming in and mucking it all up.  He’d constantly be asking me what I was doing and where I was going.  It was pretty tough initially, until he got on his feet, which he did quite quickly, thankfully!

After three years selling, I reached a point where I was dissatisfied.  I felt there was something lacking in the business we were working in.  I guess I got to a point where I felt I could do it better, and I felt my boss was taking me for granted.  I left and so did my husband and two colleagues.  We left our businesses, the people we were working for, which was huge for them because big agents walking out the door is tough on a business.

We bought a business that was vacant, the Papanui Harcourts office.  It was vacant because the previous owner had killed himself, and the owner before that had run it down.  We inherited a business that was very rough around the edges but we believed we could make a go of it.  It was difficult and extraordinarily expensive.  It took every last resource we had.  We bought the office and walked into a meeting with about ten sales people.  Three of those got up and left.  We’d paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for this office with a history where someone had just killed himself, three of the staff just walked out the door, and a total of seventeen listings.  What had we done?  I remember going into my office and crying, thinking we’d made a dreadful mistake.

Excerpt from Lynette “Polly” McFadden’s story

Go Girl Go! – Real Stories of New Zealand Women in Business

By Jacqui Thomas

Published 2001, JT Publishing Ltd

Louise is the driving force behind Inkspot Digital Ltd – an Auckland based IT / Animation / Entertainment company leading the world in computer animation. This small youthful company works alongside big players such as Microsoft and shows the world what a couple of Kiwi’s can achieve when the put their minds to it. For Louise, the secrets to success don’t lie behind a university degree or loads of investment capital – success comes from lots of hard work, personality, and undying belief in your idea.

With Inkspot Digital we saw an opportunity in the market for a clipart product for people like myself who can’t draw at all. In fact, all our sales and marketing materials use my appalling stick figures drawings as an example – “if you draw like this, then you need this product!” We wanted to produce something different, and to that end all our products have our personality stamped on them. They are very cartoony type characters and you will either love them or hate them. We are not ashamed of that – we were never trying to appeal to the entire audience. We were confident a percentage of the market would take it and think “Wow, that’s really cool”.

There were a lot of differentiating factors between our product and everything else that was on the market. We researched it and decided there was a gap we could fill. Most people do market analysis to find their biggest competitors and then try to figure out how they can compete with them. We took a different approach and looked at who the biggest players were in the marketplace and thought “Ok, we want to play with them.” You can’t compete with someone like Microsoft. So we went and saw Microsoft with the aim of working alongside them and they were fantastic. We launched our first product in association with Publisher 98.

Ever since that first deal, our business has always been based on finding out who are the biggest players in the market, then working alongside them and using our products to enhance what they are doing. This is how we’ve been able to advance and grow in the IT industry. In the US we work with the biggest IT companies, which is definitely a strong suit.

We are a very youthful company – I was 26 years old when we started. The oldest person in the company now is the CEO, who’s 32 years old. I fully believe that age has nothing to do with it. It’s all about attitude – particularly in the IT industry where everything is constantly changing. Another advantage in us all being so young is that we were able to learn and make mistakes and nobody judged each other. We’ve always allowed ourselves to make mistakes and sometimes that’s cost us money but we’ve never blamed each other if something goes wrong. I think most people are their own hardest taskmasters anyway, you can’t say anything to someone who’s made a mistake that they haven’t already thought to themselves but ten times worse.

The main key to being successful in business, I think, is you have to have so much belief in yourself, you can’t take on board other people’s insecurities. There will always be people out there who will think “that’s a bit different, a bit risky, too difficult, too expensive”. That’s where a lot of people with good ideas fall over. Their great ideas never get to market because they don’t fully believe in themselves, or they’re not prepared to take the risk. People are always complaining there isn’t enough capital in New Zealand to get ideas off the ground, and I agree with that to a certain extent but it’s also a case of natural attrition. It is hard work, you will have to work long hours, there will be setbacks – are you cut out for it? You need an absolute undying belief in yourself right from the start to be able to last the distance.

Excerpt from Louise Rutten’s story

Go Girl Go! – Real Stories of New Zealand Women in Business

By Jacqui Thomas

Published 2001, JT Publishing Ltd

Jane started her career as a farmer’s wife teaching a few local ladies aerobics in the country.  Thirteen years later she’s recognised as a successful businesswoman, owning and operating three health & fitness centres in the Nelson / Marlborough region.

Back in 1987 when I first started, it was quite hard for women to achieve their goals in business.  I came from a small farming community and was happily married to a farmer.  I was quite content.  Life was good.  I didn’t have any burning desire to do anything different.  I certainly didn’t wake up one morning thinking ‘my goodness, there must be more to life than this’.  I had three young children, one of which was still at home.  I kept busy, we did a lot of entertaining and I belonged to many small community groups and always ended up on various committees.  It’s interesting, once you’re a mother your organisational skills are honed towards working things out and fitting everything in.  Life was always so busy.  I think women have an advantage in that respect, we tend to have very good organisational skills, even more so once you have children.

I did a lot of social things.  I also used to play badminton.  One day at the club someone approached me from Nelson and asked me if I’d be interested in teaching aerobics.  At home I discussed it with my husband to see how he felt about it.  He laughed and said I was far too old.  Of course that was like red rag to a bull!  Away I went to do the training and I started teaching aerobics.

It was great.  I was feeling really good because I was getting fitter and shedding kilos.  I started teaching in Nelson and then got the job of running the aerobics at the YMCA in Richmond.  I was the only instructor and had a very small group of ladies who really enjoyed my classes.  It was very social and we’d often have a coffee afterwards.  We had quite a few problems there, though, with the manager forgetting to open the centre for us, or the mats would be locked away in a different place.  I seemed to be constantly apologizing.  My customers were very loyal but it was embarrassing.  And, to make matters worse, just across the road was the local, very well patronised ‘Jazzercise’ class.  I’d walk back to the carpark after the class with my half a dozen ladies, and look into this room chock-a-block full of leotard clad women.  (Little was I to know then that within three years I would take over the Les Mills Jazzercise franchise when the hall based classes found it difficult to compete with a gym offering everything.)

My ladies were very loyal and one day one of them said to me, ‘why don’t you find a place of your own, so we don’t keep having these problems here?’  In my stupid naive way I thought ‘yeah, that’s a great idea’.   I found an upstairs area that had a beautiful sprung timber floor, perfect for aerobics.  The building was 100 years old.  I contacted the landlord but there was a problem, he already ahd someone interested.  The other guy wanted to open a gym, so he thought we might be able to share the area and the lease.  So we did.  Brian arrived with his gym equipment and I arrived with my aerobics ladies.   I was in business!

Brian wasn’t into advertising and marketing but I really needed to get the word out.  As it was Brian’s gym and Jane’s aerobics studio, I came up with BJ’s.  The arrangement with Brian worked for a while until my classed started getting bigger and I needed all 50% of my space for a couple of hours a day.  There was tension and I started getting concerned that this partnership of lease was not going to work.  I made a mental note never to go into partnership again.  It all came to a head when Brian had a disagreement with the landlord and was asked to leave.  I was left with the whole area, which was great, but also the whole lease to pay and a husband who was wondering why I wasn’t home, which wasn’t so great.  I’d told him it was just going to be a part time thing, but all of a sudden I had financial commitments and I was going to have to work a lot harder to meet them.  I had to really think about how I was going to make it pay.

Excerpt from Jane Lucas’s story

Go Girl Go! – Real Stories of New Zealand Women in Business

By Jacqui Thomas

Published 2001, JT Publishing Ltd

Mary was a fulltime mother and housewife for all 24 years of her married life until her husband announced he was having an affair.  Left with nothing when he left, with no experience or business acumen whatsoever, Mary took on the cafe her husband had been in the process of starting, complete with thousands of dollars worth of debts, and made a go of it.

When I took on this business I had absolutely no idea about running a cafe, I didn’t even know how to pour a filter coffee.  At the time I had been married for 24 years and I was a housewife.  My husband was in business and throughout my married life I’d worked the odd day here and there, but they were only pretend jobs.  Earning money wasn’t a side of my marriage I had to address.

My husband was setting up the cafe.  The lease was up for renegotiation.  He was going to take on the lease, do up the cafe, and then resell the lease.  Right in the middle of it all he announced he was having an affair, that he was going to be leaving, and he wanted the business sold.  He really didn’t want me in the cafe, but I dug my toes in.  Bearing in mind that I suddenly had no source of income, no house, and I had been a housewife for the last 24 years, I decided I had to give it a go.

It was tough.  While they finalised the details, I had to work with my husband and his new girlfriend.  Emotionally, I wasn’t the best equipped to deal with anything, let alone running a business.

My first real insight into how little business acumen I had, and how little support I was about to have, was when I had to go to the bank.  I had to take over the overdraft with my father as guarantor.  When I went to the bank they talked to my father, not to me.  I don’t think Dad really wanted to lend me the money, I suspect he was looking for an out.  The bank certainly didn’t want to lend money to a middle-aged housewife, on the verge of a breakdown, who didn’t have an ounce of business acumen.  That was my first introduction to how difficult it was going to be for me as a woman, without a house or any collateral.  My husband had taken everything.

Eventually my father agreed to act as guarantor, even though the bank advised him I was a dodgy prospect.  I think he felt sorry for me at the time so he gave it a go, which I am grateful for.  I repaid his trust, and the money, and from there I constantly grew.  When I came into the business, I found I was left with thousands of dollars of debts I had been completely unaware of.  So as well as struggling to come to terms with every other aspect of the business – staff, wages, GST – I constantly had creditors ringing me demanding money.  At any one time, they could have put me under so I had no choice but to get a grasp on everything as quickly as possible.

I was extremely fortunate to have the support of my daughter, Emily.  She was at university, studying for a masters degree at the time.  She quickly came to terms with many aspects of running the business.  My husband had left nothing.  Emily set the books up, started doing costings, and thought it was feasible, that if we got it right we could make a go of it.  Emily worked out what it would cost to run the business and said, “Mum this is what you have to do every week before you even turn the lights on, otherwise you’re going to be in trouble.”

I initially worked seven days a week, from 5.20 in the morning, until 7 at night.  Gradually I made myself completely au fait with every aspect of running this cafe.  Every day was a battle until now it is easier.  Now I don’t owe anyone anything, I run my business on a monthly accounts system, I have a good name around town, I make one of the best coffees in Christchurch, and most of the time I enjoy it.

I learned through making plenty of mistakes.  After 24 years of marriage I was dropped in it – and I could make a go of it, or go under, that was it.  I just had to carry on each day, read up on things, and educate myself.  Every day I tried to make sure the lack of knowledge I had didn’t go with me into tomorrow.  I set myself targets every day.  The cappuccino machine used to scare the shits out of me.  Some days I’d have a queue half way down the mall, and I wouldn’t know how I was ever going to get on top of it, but I did.

Excerpt from Mary Murray’s story

Go Girl Go! – Real Stories of New Zealand Women in Business

By Jacqui Thomas

Published 2001, JT Publishing Ltd

This project started back in 1999 through my own frustrations as a newly self-employed writer.  After completing a journalism course by correspondence I’d decided I didn’t want to go and work for a newspaper or a magazine - I wanted to freelance.  This seemed easy enough and I was sure it was the answer to my dreams of freedom.  I started writing and soon I had a few regular contracts and I was surviving, but only just.  The hardest part was not the writing but the business side of it - knowing what to charge for my work, getting agreements from people, sorting out taxes and accounting procedures.  I bluffed my way through blindly for months not wanting to ask anybody for help for fear of confirming to them that I really didnít know what I was doing!

One day I came home to my partner frustrated and upset.  I felt I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing and said to him ”It’s so hard.  You can’t just go into Whitcoulls and buy a book on it.”  “That’s your answer,” he said.  ”Write a book for women about getting started in business.”  That upset me even more, how was I supposed to write a book for the rest of the world when I didnít know what I was doing myself?  “That’s easy,” he said.  ”Go and talk to successful businesswomen and ask them how they got started.” My initial reaction was ‘what a cheek!’  How rude to ask these successful women to share their secrets!  But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea.

When I first sent twenty letters out to successful business women I knew of in my area, I expected about five to be interested in my project.  I hoped for ten.  Eighteen of those women were happy to be interviewed - the response was overwhelming!  The first thing I learned through this project is that most people are happy to help you - you just have to be brave enough to ask!  I took my search nationwide and was met with the same enthusiasm.  After interviewing about sixty amazing women, all with fantastic stories to tell, I realised I had to stop, it was getting harder and harder to choose which stories to include in this book.

I have endeavoured to select fifteen stories as vastly different from one another as possible, incorporating different types of businesses, age groups, ethnic groups, geographical locations and personal circumstances.  A big thank you to all the women who took the time to share their experiences with me.  I learned from each and every one of you.  Now I hope others will be inspired and motivated and learn from the stories shared in this book.

Enjoy!

Jacqui

Excerpt from the book – Go Girl Go! – Real Stories of New Zealand Women

By Jacqui Thomas

Published 2001, JT Publishing Ltd