Jacqui Thomas » Personal Development

Mind Over Money

Jacqui — Mon, 10 May 2010 10:53:05 +0000

When I ask my clients what they want more of in their lives, money is often on the list.

Here’s a few ideas to help you have more of it.

The first step is to get an accurate picture of your financial situation as it is now. Know exactly what income you have, how much you spend and on what. If you are like most people and have no idea where it all goes, keep a diary for at least a week, or ideally a month and keep track of what gets spent where. You may be surprised!

Now, obviously if you want more money you will need to either make more or spend less. Spending less may not sound like much fun but it’s all about your mindset. If you think of it as changing your spending so you can have even more money, or spend it on things that you really want rather than things you don’t even notice, it has more appeal.

Look at your spending diary and see what things you could happily do without or cut down on. How much are you spending on coffees, cigarettes, alcohol, car parking, bank fees, credit card interest? Going without that second latte, saves you about $20 per week, giving up smoking could save you $70 per week, taking a bottle of wine around to a friends place instead of having drinks in town could save you $100! The secret is to keep it fun. You don’t want to become so frugal that you don’t have any enjoyment left, simply make good choices, and watch the extra dollars you save stack up.

Next, look at reducing your debt. Credit cards, store cards and hire purchases, can seem like a wonderful idea at the time but if you can’t afford to pay them off, you spend huge amounts on fees and interest. Get out your credit card statements and see how much you have been paying the bank for the privilege of using their money. See how it all adds up. Isn’t there something you would rather have used that money for? Use the money you’re saving from cutting down on your spending to pay the debt off for once and for all and then get rid of your card or at least try and save it for emergencies.

Also, shop around to make sure you’re getting the best deal on bank fees and charges. Know what your fees entitle you too and what gets charged as an extra. Make the effort to use ATM’s less if you get charged per transaction, and use your own bank’s ATM machine, rather than other banks. The same goes for service charges such as phone, mobile and internet usage.

Some Ideas to Save Money and Still Have a Life:

• Take your lunch to work

• Stop or reduce the amount of coffee you buy

• Pay off your debts so you don’t pay interest

• Shop around for the best bank deal and reduce your bank charges

• Take public transport or walk instead of paying for petrol and car parking

• Have friends around for dinner, BBQ’s, DVD’s, instead of going out to restaurants, bars and movies

• Quit smoking

• Only buy as much fresh food as you know you will eat

• Start growing your own vegetables, and trade the extra supplies with friends

• Make sure you have the best mobile phone, internet and toll call plans for your usage.

• Cancel subscriptions for newspapers, magazines and Pay TV and make the most of free information

• Enjoy the outdoors for some free entertainment – go to the beach, go for a walk, go fishing, take a book to the park.

• Swap babysitting services with other parents.

• Join the local library

Paralysis by Analysis

Jacqui — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 01:29:36 +0000

Feeling stuck and frustrated? These two feelings often go together and are often inextricably linked. Generally you feel frustrated because you are stuck, and there is a simple explanation for being stuck – it is because you’re not moving! It’s easy to blame other people, our environment, and circumstance but actually, the source is usually us. The good news is that means we can do something about it.

Feeling stuck, being stuck in a rut, groundhog day, going through the motions…. they’re all euphemisms for the same phenomena, and often stem from needing to do something different and making a change, but not doing it. It could also be thought of as resisting the flow of life.

Change can be scary, even when we want to change, and/or know we need to change… even when we realise the benefits of change will leave us in a much better space. Because of fear we try and prepare ourselves well in order to ensure the change is successful. Such preparation is useful to a point, but it is easy to overdo it and end up stuck in the no-man’s land known as ‘paralysis by analysis’. Spending too much time preparing for every possible outcome and trying to get all your ducks in a row, is actually a pointless exercise – the ducks always move.

And so it is with life. Everything is dynamic, constantly moving. Like a game of chess, every move has the potential to completely change the game. To plan all your moves at the beginning of the game would make it necessary to play entirely by yourself and control all the conditions. Not only would this be boring and lonely, but you may miss out on better opportunities that are only made possible by another player’s moves.

So all you need to know is the first move. Then you assess the best move to make next once it is your turn to move again. The possible moves change all the time and can’t necessarily be planned in advance. If you don’t know what the first move should be, or feel like you can’t make a good move, then just make any move. This is kind of like a reshuffle. Sometimes there are no great moves to be made, as in any game. But by at least making a move, even if it is sideways, then you keep the game moving and change the dynamics which may open up a better move for the next turn.

So if you’re stuck, move! Any move is better than staying stuck. Take a leap of faith and do something. Movement builds momentum. The first step is often the hardest and requires the most energy. Once you are moving it is easier to keep going.

Stuck in Procrastination

Jacqui — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 04:06:30 +0000

Procrastination is defined as “deferring action”. It’s easy to rationalise why we put things off that we don’t want to do – maybe we’re scared of the consequences, maybe we don’t know ‘how’ to go about it, maybe we simply ‘don’t want to’. Sometimes there are even unintended benefits to this procrastination – all sorts of things get done, that wouldn’t otherwise be contemplated – drawers get cleaned out, letters get written, chocolate cakes get baked…. and eventually when the pressure of a looming deadline gets intense enough, and/or the threat of consequences if you don’t do it, get bad enough, the procrastination evaporates and you simply have to take the action required.

But why do we put off doing the things that we DO want to do?

Generally, this type of procrastination is linked to our attachment to a desired outcome. The fear of getting something wrong, or not achieving our desired outcome, can stop us from taking any action at all. As long as we do nothing, our desired outcome is still a maybe, it’s possible. The fear of that ‘maybe’ becoming a ‘no’, prevents us from taking the action that could turn the ‘maybe’ into a ‘yes’.

We place too much value on how we think things need to pan out, in order to get ‘where’ we want to go, or ‘what’ we want. We micro manage our actions to the point where we stall, we get stuck, we’re too scared to move, in case we make a mistake.

The trick is to trust in the process. Trust that any action is a step in the right direction – even if it doesn’t seem so at the time. Trust that you are heading to your desired outcome, even if it seems like you’re given a U-turn, a detour, or even a dead end.

Getting somewhere requires movement. And each movement changes the state of play. You literally need to move one step at a time, and each step will be subject to factors and variables that you may be aware of, but that are outside your control. Pre-planning all the steps to your desired outcome is a waste of time and energy as the best steps may not even be apparent yet.

If you’re clear on your desired outcome / your end result, don’t put off taking a step towards it. Any movement is positive, even if it doesn’t seem so at the time – it may just be shaking things up to make the next step possible.

Your Heart is a Powerhouse

Jacqui — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 03:50:15 +0000

When you live your life from your heart, you tap into a huge source of energy – energy that replenishes you, recharges you, and makes the work required to action tasks seem effortless. In contrast, when you are living your life from your head, there is nothing to replenish you, and your energy is quickly drained, leaving you mentally fatigued, exhausted and often with a nasty headache!

This is the difference between feeling and thinking. If you over think something, you can literally feel your brain whirring around in over drive. Conversely, if you go with what you “feel” is right, decisions and a course of action come comparatively easily. Put simply, brain power is limited, heart power is limitless.

Of course the head (mind and brain) has an important role to play. It is useful for putting structures and plans in place to make things happen effectively. The trick is to use it for its intended roles without letting it completely take over the show!

This is why you are much more likely to achieve goals you actually want to achieve, to be successful in a business you actually enjoy, to have a long lasting relationship with someone you really love. This is why you hear stories of people beating incredible odds to achieve their dreams, of mothers lifting cars to save their children, people with no legs climbing Mt Everest. The thing is you can pretty much have anything you really want. Not because it just happens with the wave of a magic wand, but because if you really want it, your heart will unleash an amazing force of energy to help you do whatever needs to be done in order to make it happen.

So what you do really want for yourself? What would you love to do this year? Who would you love to be? If you are truly honest with yourself and your heart is fully, 100% involved, then anything is possible.

Allow Yourself to Receive

Jacqui — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 04:13:43 +0000

Being fiercely independent is limited and selfish. A controversial statement perhaps, but as Helen Keller famously said, “Alone we can achieve so little, but together we can achieve so much.” Even Einstein, known more for his mathematical genius than his philosophies on life, deduced that “when two people put their heads together, it is like a third person has entered the room”.

A certain amount of independence is a good thing. It’s useful to be capable of looking after yourself and to be responsible for your actions. But being completely self-sufficient is counter-productive. Being totally self reliant cuts you off from community which is essential for us to “thrive”, rather than merely “survive”.

As humans we have needs beyond basic food and shelter. We have an emotional need for community – to share, to love, to feel, to contribute. Being part of a community is a two way street – you need to be able to “give” and to “receive”. In order for the process to work effectively, receiving is equally important as giving. One can’t happen without the other. So it’s important to take your turn at both.

Sometimes we feel like we have to do it all, that there is no help available. There is always help available, but you have to be willing to allow it. Maybe you need to create some space to let the help in? Allow yourself to receive. Stop doing it all, so there is room for others to help you. Ask for help and accept it graciously when it comes. Let go of needing to control everything yourself, so other people can help you. And remember that receiving help is just as valid as giving it. Both sides of the equation are crucial to the process – so we all need to do our fair share of both!

4 Quick Questions for the Best Decision Every Time

Jacqui — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 01:37:45 +0000

Are you having trouble making an important decision? Maybe you’ve tried weighing up the pros and cons, but still can’t decide?

Here’s a strategy that I find very helpful for tough choices. It’s a simple process involving four questions. They are known as the Cartesian Questions and were developed by a famous metaphysician called Rene Descartes. You’ll need some paper to keep track of your answers.

The questions are:

* What will happen if you do?

* What will happen if you don’t?

* What won’t happen if you do?

* What won’t happen if you don’t?

If you like you can divide your piece of paper into 4 quadrants:

* WILL / DO

* WILL / DON’T

* WON’T / DO

* WON’T / DON’T

You’ll find this really gets you thinking about the pros and cons at a deeper level, helping you make the best decision for you. When you see the answers you’ve jotted down for each question, the decision becomes very clear.

An Attitude of Gratitude

Jacqui — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 03:22:58 +0000

How often do you actually stop and appreciate everything you have and everything that is good about your life? I’m sure we can all recall times when we’ve been told to “count our blessings” but when was the last time you actually did? Feeling and being grateful is a powerful exercise, which not only can make you feel a lot better about your circumstances, but also seems to welcome more good things into your life.

Most of us here in New Zealand truly do have a lot to be grateful for. We live in a beautiful country, we have the luxury of freedom, and we are relatively safe and trouble free. The vast majority of us have a roof over our heads, food in our tummies, the opportunity of good education and safe drinking water straight out of the tap. If we can add to the list good health and people who love us, then most of us really are quite lucky and do indeed have a lot to be grateful for.

Next time you’re feeling a bit down and life seems unfair, a great boost is to write yourself an exhaustive list of all the things you are grateful for. Don’t forget to include things that you probably take for granted but would miss terribly if they were taken away, these are usually the important ones! Don’t stop until you absolutely can’t think of anything else to add. I guarantee you’ll feel instantly better about your situation. It’s highly likely that once you have your “grateful list”, whatever it is you’re upset about not having will seem quite trivial in comparison with everything you do have. It’s quite true, no matter how bad things seem, there will always be someone much worse off than you, and I bet they would love to trade places and have all that you have.

You don’t have to wait until you’re feeling sorry for yourself to start getting into the habit of being grateful. A daily grateful journal is a lovely way to finish each day. Simply write down 5 things that you are grateful for before you go to bed each night. This gets you into the habit of focussing on what’s good in your life, rather than what’s wrong or missing. When you do this consistently not only do you feel much better about yourself, you also start a positive spiral upwards, attracting more good things your way. It seems we don’t get given any more until we appreciate what we’ve already got!

By Jacqui Thomas

Take Action!

Jacqui — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:36:09 +0000

As the Nike ads say, “Just do it!”

Knowing what you want and where you are heading is half the battle won, but in order to actually get there, you have to take some action! You must take the first step and get started, not only to move closer towards your goal, but also to really commit to your intentions and to let the world know that you are serious about this. The first step can be the hardest but once you’ve done it, it’s easier to keep moving.

If you are having trouble taking the first step, ask yourself why? Is the first step too daunting? If so, break it down into smaller, more manageable steps. Keep breaking it down until the first step is easily doable so you can get started and then build on the momentum you have created from there.

A common stumbling block is fear – fear of failure, fear of the unknown, even fear of success. A certain amount of fear is perfectly normal – accept that this is a natural response and do it anyway.

Another obstacle can be that you don’t have all the steps worked out yet. Ie, you don’t have all the “how” figured out. You may not know how you are possibly going to achieve your outcome, or you may have most of it figured out with a few fuzzy areas that aren’t clear. Don’t let this stop you! As long as you know where you want to go (can see your intended outcome clearly) and can identify the first step required, then you have enough information to get started. Trust that the next steps will become clear along the way. Think of it as a journey- there will be signposts along the way and if you get stuck you can always stop and ask for directions!

A great analogy of this is driving a car. When we drive at night we can only see as far as our headlights shine, maybe 100 metres max. We trust that by the time we have reached the end of that 100 metres, we will be able to see the following 100 metres, and so on. If we need to drive from Auckland to Invercargill, we don’t need to know every single road, stop sign, intersection, along the way. We know how to leave Auckland. We know that we need to be on State Highway One and which direction we need to go. We trust that there will be signposts along the way to help us get to our final destination. We also have resources we can use for help such as maps, and we can ask other people for assistance if we get stuck.

If you are clear on “What” you are trying to achieve and “Why”, then the “How” will take care of itself. You just have to make a start.

If you still haven’t moved, you need to ask yourself “is this something I really want for myself?” If you can’t wholeheartedly say yes, then go back and choose something that is honest and real for you.

It’s not rocket science but as Albert Einstein once said, “Nothing happens until something moves.”

Written by Jacqui Thomas

You Can’t Stockpile Opportunities

Jacqui — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:19:45 +0000

Ideas and opportunities can come any time, any place. Often they just start as a thought that pops into your head. They can arrive completely randomly, or be triggered by something you see, or hear. I like to think ideas come from a greater source, something we can’t fully understand, but that is more powerful than just little old us. As such, an idea is a gift and it should make you do something, take some kind of action – but how often do we get great ideas and not do anything with them?

Usually it’s that same old obstacle holding us back – FEAR. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of what people might think…. and the list goes on.

When you are open to the flow – of energy, and of life itself – ideas and opportunities can come anytime and frequently. The thing with flow, though, is it needs to keep flowing! Ie, it needs to keep moving. If you start stockpiling your opportunities, you block the flow. You create a traffic jam in your mind and new ideas can’t get through until the first one is out of the way.

I realise it’s not always practical to act on ideas immediately. Sometimes you have to pop an idea to one side – maybe it needs more time, more thought, more information, or more resources before you can act on it. You can still keep your ideas and opportunities flowing by moving this one out of the way. A coach I once worked with, had what he called an Idea Incubator. He looked at my To Do list and wondered why things would still remain on the list week after week – I simply couldn’t action them yet, even though I still wanted to.

He said, “Jacqui, you need to take these things off your To Do list and put them in your Incubator – they are wasting valuable time and energy and clogging up your flow. When you are ready to actually do something with them, move them back on to your action list then.”

Your incubator could be a box, a folder, a book or just a scrap of paper in a safe place. Anywhere where you know you can keep your ideas safe without having to actively remember them.

Another important thing about ideas and opportunities is that there are plenty of them. You don’t have to take them all. Opportunities are like buses – one gone is one gone forever, but don’t worry, there will be another one along soon. There’s no point wasting your time longing for the one you’ve missed, just get yourself ready to take the next one!

To make the most of your ideas and opportunities you need to be proactive. You have a choice to make and the sooner you do it, the better. Here’s a simple Opportunity Filing System with three options:

Act on it
Decide not to act on it – ie, Bin it!
Move it to the Incubator so it’s in a safe place for the future.

There’s no right or wrong choice, just choose. If you’re not happy with your choice, choose again. But DON”T let your ideas take up valuable space in the forefront of your mind while you do nothing – this will block your flow and stop new opportunities getting through!

Written by Jacqui Thomas

Under Promise and Over Deliver

Jacqui — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 07:14:58 +0000

Are you one of those people that says yes to everything, tries to please everyone and runs around like a headless chicken trying to be in six places at once? Chances are you are also late for everything and annoy more people than you manage to please, no matter how hard you try to keep everyone happy. Maybe it’s time to try a new approach. Warning- it may go completely against your natural instincts at first, but you, and everyone else, will soon see the benefits.

Many people say yes to things when they really mean no, simply because they don’t want to let the other person down. Hello! The very same person gets a much bigger let down in the long run when you can’t deliver what you said you would. Most people would much prefer to have a no upfront, so they can make alternative arrangements, than be let down at the last minute. Not only that, imagine how much easier your life would be if you weren’t racing around trying to keep everyone else happy and stressing out about letting people down?

Right now, decide to stop making promises you can’t keep, even better stop making promises at all. Stop agreeing to things you can’t do, won’t do, don’t want to do, or aren’t even realistically capable of doing. Your new mantra is “under promise and over deliver”.

Once you stop saying yes to everything and trying to be in multiple places simultaneously, you can practice being 100% present in wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Become more in control of your choices, and then focus on and enjoy the choices you have made. If you choose to be working on a project, then that is what you are doing. If you’re reading your kids a bedtime story, you are not cooking dinner. And if you choose to be having a coffee with a friend, be just as 100% focussed on that task. If you’ve made the choice it is because it is important to you and should only be over-ridden by something that is even more important to you (and then only if it’s urgent).

We are aiming for quality here, not quantity. Many of you will be arguing that this way you will only be getting one task done rather than five. My point is that you will be getting one task completed well (and with no stress) as opposed to five tasks incomplete and not done well with potentially a huge headache and follow-on problems as well!

As you practice this technique, you will find that you actually get a lot more done and please a lot more people. Also, things that aren’t that important to you start to drop away, leaving even more precious time for the things that are. Eventually, it even becomes easier and easier to deliver even more than people expect of you, and this is done with a lot less effort because you are doing it because you want to and are able to, rather than because you are committed and pressured to.

By Jacqui Thomas