But why do we put off doing the things that we DO want to do?

Generally, this type of procrastination is linked to our attachment to a desired outcome. The fear of getting something wrong, or not achieving our desired outcome, can stop us from taking any action at all. As long as we do nothing, our desired outcome is still a maybe, it’s possible. The fear of that ‘maybe’ becoming a ‘no’, prevents us from taking the action that could turn the ‘maybe’ into a ‘yes’.

We place too much value on how we think things need to pan out, in order to get ‘where’ we want to go, or ‘what’ we want. We micro manage our actions to the point where we stall, we get stuck, we’re too scared to move, in case we make a mistake.

The trick is to trust in the process. Trust that any action is a step in the right direction – even if it doesn’t seem so at the time. Trust that you are heading to your desired outcome, even if it seems like you’re given a U-turn, a detour, or even a dead end.

Getting somewhere requires movement. And each movement changes the state of play. You literally need to move one step at a time, and each step will be subject to factors and variables that you may be aware of, but that are outside your control. Pre-planning all the steps to your desired outcome is a waste of time and energy as the best steps may not even be apparent yet.

If you’re clear on your desired outcome / your end result, don’t put off taking a step towards it. Any movement is positive, even if it doesn’t seem so at the time – it may just be shaking things up to make the next step possible.

© Jacqui Thomas, 2010 All rights reserved.

The quick facts: 
*  The motivation to avoid pain is usually stronger than the motivation to gain pleasure. 
*  Most people focus on avoiding pain and gaining pleasure in the short term, but to be successful you need to focus on avoiding pain and gaining pleasure long term.
*  Everybody’s perception of what causes pain and pleasure is different and linked to their own experiences.

To make changes in our lives we need to change how we think and how we act.  One simple way to do this is to change what you link your pain and pleasure to.  For greater success you also need to shift your focus from short term pain and pleasure, to long term pain and pleasure.

Here’s an example:

If you’re overweight you may be focussing on the short term pleasure that you link to eating too much, or eating unhealthy foods.  Or, you might be avoiding pain that you link with exercising.  Or, maybe you’re avoiding the pain of dealing with a problem and instead seeking pleasure and comfort from food.  

*  You can motivate yourself to make the changes you need to by creating new long term links to pain and pleasure for yourself. 
*  You might choose to avoid the pain associated with long term health problems, or of looking fat and not being able to wear nice clothes. 
*  Also add in some long term pleasure associations, such as looking and feeling fantastic, and being able to play with your children. 
*  The key thing to remember is that the new links and associations must be personal and real for you. 
*  And, they need to be strong enough to over-ride your existing pleasure and pain associations of eating the cake and avoiding the gym!

Another common example is staying in a relationship that is no longer positive or satisfying.  In the short term, you may gain pleasure from having a date to go out with and avoid the pain of being lonely.  But is it costing you the long term pleasure of having a fulfilling relationship, and the long term pain of realising you’ve wasted many years staying in an empty relationship?

By Jacqui Thomas

All rights reserved

Jane started her career as a farmer’s wife teaching a few local ladies aerobics in the country.  Thirteen years later she’s recognised as a successful businesswoman, owning and operating three health & fitness centres in the Nelson / Marlborough region.

Back in 1987 when I first started, it was quite hard for women to achieve their goals in business.  I came from a small farming community and was happily married to a farmer.  I was quite content.  Life was good.  I didn’t have any burning desire to do anything different.  I certainly didn’t wake up one morning thinking ‘my goodness, there must be more to life than this’.  I had three young children, one of which was still at home.  I kept busy, we did a lot of entertaining and I belonged to many small community groups and always ended up on various committees.  It’s interesting, once you’re a mother your organisational skills are honed towards working things out and fitting everything in.  Life was always so busy.  I think women have an advantage in that respect, we tend to have very good organisational skills, even more so once you have children.

I did a lot of social things.  I also used to play badminton.  One day at the club someone approached me from Nelson and asked me if I’d be interested in teaching aerobics.  At home I discussed it with my husband to see how he felt about it.  He laughed and said I was far too old.  Of course that was like red rag to a bull!  Away I went to do the training and I started teaching aerobics.

It was great.  I was feeling really good because I was getting fitter and shedding kilos.  I started teaching in Nelson and then got the job of running the aerobics at the YMCA in Richmond.  I was the only instructor and had a very small group of ladies who really enjoyed my classes.  It was very social and we’d often have a coffee afterwards.  We had quite a few problems there, though, with the manager forgetting to open the centre for us, or the mats would be locked away in a different place.  I seemed to be constantly apologizing.  My customers were very loyal but it was embarrassing.  And, to make matters worse, just across the road was the local, very well patronised ‘Jazzercise’ class.  I’d walk back to the carpark after the class with my half a dozen ladies, and look into this room chock-a-block full of leotard clad women.  (Little was I to know then that within three years I would take over the Les Mills Jazzercise franchise when the hall based classes found it difficult to compete with a gym offering everything.)

My ladies were very loyal and one day one of them said to me, ‘why don’t you find a place of your own, so we don’t keep having these problems here?’  In my stupid naive way I thought ‘yeah, that’s a great idea’.   I found an upstairs area that had a beautiful sprung timber floor, perfect for aerobics.  The building was 100 years old.  I contacted the landlord but there was a problem, he already ahd someone interested.  The other guy wanted to open a gym, so he thought we might be able to share the area and the lease.  So we did.  Brian arrived with his gym equipment and I arrived with my aerobics ladies.   I was in business!

Brian wasn’t into advertising and marketing but I really needed to get the word out.  As it was Brian’s gym and Jane’s aerobics studio, I came up with BJ’s.  The arrangement with Brian worked for a while until my classed started getting bigger and I needed all 50% of my space for a couple of hours a day.  There was tension and I started getting concerned that this partnership of lease was not going to work.  I made a mental note never to go into partnership again.  It all came to a head when Brian had a disagreement with the landlord and was asked to leave.  I was left with the whole area, which was great, but also the whole lease to pay and a husband who was wondering why I wasn’t home, which wasn’t so great.  I’d told him it was just going to be a part time thing, but all of a sudden I had financial commitments and I was going to have to work a lot harder to meet them.  I had to really think about how I was going to make it pay.

Excerpt from Jane Lucas’s story

Go Girl Go! – Real Stories of New Zealand Women in Business

By Jacqui Thomas

Published 2001, JT Publishing Ltd

First things first.  Before we even begin to look at these things, it’s worth making sure that our basic physical needs are being met. 

Ie, that our body has the things it needs to function properly on a daily basis.  By this I mean simple things like food, water, sleep and exercise.  We all know we need these things to survive.  It’s so simple it seems barely worth a mention, BUT, so often we let these things slide.  And when the basics slide, everything else slides as well.  It’s impossible to work on your emotional & spiritual needs, if your physical needs aren’t first taken care of.

So, ask yourself, on a scale of 1-5, how well am I getting my basic physical needs met?  Be honest and see if there are areas that need some attention.  Now make the effort to drink enough water, eat regularly, eat healthy foods, cut down on caffeine, drink less alcohol, reduce your sugar intake, cut down on fat content, get some exercise and get enough sleep.  You will be amazed at how much better you feel when you eat properly, are fully hydrated, have enough quality sleep and some regular exercise. 

When your physical needs are met fully not only will you feel great, but you may find that some of your issues have miraculously disappeared.  And, now that you are in peak condition, you are now much better equipped to deal with those that still remain.

By Jacqui Thomas

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