Even the most loving of families can be stressful with they get together in a confined space.
A common issue of family dynamics is feeling like a child again in your parents’ home. It can be really frustrating to be treated like a kid again when you’re a successful, independent adult with your own life. No matter how old you are, you will always be your parent’s daughter / son. I have even heard people in their fifties and sixties talk about this same challenge. You have several choices here, and it really depends how severe the issue actually is.
It’s fair enough that there may be certain rules in any home that are important to the owners and need to be abided by whilst under that roof. These could be things like not wearing shoes inside, not smoking, or couples not sleeping together unless they’re married. Usually it’s no great hardship to simply accept these rules for the short time you’re there, after all you’re a guest in someone else’s home.
However, if the issues are more serious, like continual negative put-downs, refusal to accept choices you have made, or other things that eat away at the core of who you are as a person, then you may want to reconsider how much time you want to spend there. Perhaps find an alternative place to stay? Or, look at tackling the issues before you actually arrive for the holiday. Talk to your parents, and in a neutral manner, let them know what it is that bothers you, and also what your ideal solution would be. It’s possible that this is much more of an issue for you than it is for them, so it may be relatively easy to resolve. The key to these discussions is to keep the tone neutral, so don’t wait until you’re already there and things are getting heated. As soon as emotion enters the exchange, the content of the conversation gets lost and all that is heard is the emotion, which is not going to help you get the outcomes you’d like.
If there are political issues within the family, say an issue that has divided the family with different viewpoints, then try to agree to put this aside for the family occasion. Being an adult means being entitled to have your own opinion, so it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to agree on even important issues just because they’re related. You can love and accept family members without having to agree with their opinions or condone their actions. Let it go in the spirit of love and forgiveness at Christmas, even if it’s just for the day.
By Jacqui Thomas
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